Arguments

Ok so we think we need  advise on something and that's that we like to play music out loud using speakers etc and our parent tells me to use headphones but i can't do that sorry and then arguments start and we feel like the parent is basically taking the piss as playing music out loud is what i do for a living but we watched them videos and kind of understand the anger that the parent has towards us now but  we get really upset sad about the music bit because there's us listening to sugar by maroon5 and we have the parent getting upset in an angry way towards us lot and we argue back by simply saying just leave us alone please so can someone give us some advice on how to make the parent understand that we r just listening to beautifull music and just being lovely showing it all off to friends n family instead of having the parent there going crazy about all this ?? we have been playing music since 2010 and we like us have been trying that sugar song by maroon5 ever since it first came on and for god sakes we can work from home by fifth harmony.And having to move away because of the parent being over sensitive with sounds and lights is not acceptible so yes i am happy i watched them videos and understand that autism better. But  errm its  not fair on us  (music lovers) because we r not even 22 yet and the parent needs to understand our feelings and just get along and join us for dinner soon .arguments and arguments ent taking us anywhere because we can just play our music on our radio or phones w.e. But then its not fair on the parent because it might not be an illness but it is a condition that is going to be there forever and moving away from the house the parent rents is not helping us or the parent or the whole families sadly tho the parent was diagnosed just a couple of years ago so no one really knows how much that condition is affecting everyone else like us so thanks for the support,reading this and the comments.ando.x.

Parents
  • Former Member
    Former Member

    An autistic parent is likely to end up with a reclusive and odd life and it sounds as though you have suffered from living in that environment. It won't be easy to unpick the consequences and ingrained behaviours and feeling that have accumulated as a result but it sounds as though you are up for it and you are looking for help which is not always an easy thing to do.

    Autistic people often live with a very rule based existence. We are not good at going with the flow and working things out on the fly so her preference for rules is her way of doing things. If the rules get out of hand then that can lead to obessional behaviours but your idea of what a sensible set of rules is may well always be different to hers.

    People with autism are often obstinate and difficult to deal with and the way to deal with that is to be unreasonably patient and positive. If you are critical and impatient then this will just antagonise her. This advice is normally appropriate for parents who are struggling with dealing with a difficult autistic child (we get a lot of that on this forum) but I think it should be applied to any relationship where a non-autistic person is trying to help an autistic person.

    Ultimately you are likely, in the long term, to want a place of your own but I think that is some way off by the sound of it. In the mean time you do have an opportunity to make peace and try and work out how to be friends and enjoy each other. You actually have an opportunity to make choices and take control of some things by leading by example - perhaps your job now is to lead her gently out of the trap that she is in?

Reply
  • Former Member
    Former Member

    An autistic parent is likely to end up with a reclusive and odd life and it sounds as though you have suffered from living in that environment. It won't be easy to unpick the consequences and ingrained behaviours and feeling that have accumulated as a result but it sounds as though you are up for it and you are looking for help which is not always an easy thing to do.

    Autistic people often live with a very rule based existence. We are not good at going with the flow and working things out on the fly so her preference for rules is her way of doing things. If the rules get out of hand then that can lead to obessional behaviours but your idea of what a sensible set of rules is may well always be different to hers.

    People with autism are often obstinate and difficult to deal with and the way to deal with that is to be unreasonably patient and positive. If you are critical and impatient then this will just antagonise her. This advice is normally appropriate for parents who are struggling with dealing with a difficult autistic child (we get a lot of that on this forum) but I think it should be applied to any relationship where a non-autistic person is trying to help an autistic person.

    Ultimately you are likely, in the long term, to want a place of your own but I think that is some way off by the sound of it. In the mean time you do have an opportunity to make peace and try and work out how to be friends and enjoy each other. You actually have an opportunity to make choices and take control of some things by leading by example - perhaps your job now is to lead her gently out of the trap that she is in?

Children
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