Any ASD spectrum people think it's other people who are the problem?

I feel worn out with the endless references to the difficulties people on my spectrum have without considering that it's perhaps neurotypical people who cause the difficulty.

Have you considered the same thing?

In discussions with my advisor, for example, difficulties are sometimes identified as my tendency to "take things litererally". I find it frustrating. If people expressed themselves both clearly and directly then their literal meaning would be the meaning intended. What's wrong with that?

Also, something which frustrates me greatly is other people who fail to take my own meaning literally. They appear to believe, incorrectly, that like them, I also mean something I didn't say. In discussions with my advisor, again, this difficulty is basically discussed as if it is my fault because I'm autistic.

In both cases it seems to me that if others expressed themselves more clearly, and were used to doing so, then neither of us would have such problems with communication.

Limitations experienced or caused by neurotypical people are not sufficiently acknowledged or recognised, they tend to be hidden or widely accepted simply because their faults are deemed socially normal.


What do others think?

Do you agree the difficulties you face on the ASD spectrum are often really as much to do with the limitations and difficulties caused by neurotypical people? 

Do you have experiences of difficulties you beleive you wouldn't have if neurotypical people developed some of the distinct advantages of being on the ASD spectrum?

Do you have stories or regular frustrations which make you think "If only..." the person you're speaking to, or example, would see things more literally, or something else?

Where do you think being neurotypical is a disadvantage over being ASD?

Also, like me, do you believe it is significant that such difficulties only occur in meetings with neurotypical people, and mysteriously vanish at all other times? Suggesting it's as much neurotypical who are the cause of producing the problem as anything we are the cause of ourselves?

Just generally what do you think are the frustration of ASD for which the neurotypicals basically really have only themselves to blame?

Parents
  • Hello,

    I am a 51yr old female (tomboy) and was diagnosed two years ago. I realised i was on the spectrum when i was 46. When i was younger i really felt the world was full of nimcompoops and i would get into "arguments" when i thought i was trying to explain myself. The more words i used the more antagonistic people got. I would get tired of people around me for too long. I was not interested in their conversations. I had no interest in their lives and no intention of sharing mine. I got fed up with "games" and double meanings. And yes, people not hearing my words because they assumed i meant something else. I found it all exhausting.

    Once i got my head around my diagnosis... which resulted in my 18yrs relationship with a controlling NT ending because of the "stigma" i became much happier in myself. Contentment and at peace for longer periods of time. I live alone now and that works much better for me. 

    I have worked in the same job for 14yrs, the team have got used to my unique traits (even only 3 know my diagnosis) and i have got to trust that when they tell me to calm down, breathe, to be quiet, that they are not attacking me but pointing out that my behaviour is getting a bit wild because they realise i am not aware of it. They no longer flinch when i point out mistakes, they in turn realise i bring the errors up because i hope to help them improve their work, not because i want to upset them.

    I had to share my diagnosis with my managers. They have both been very accepting, and if anything were not surprised at all once they googled Autism/Aspergers etc. They have now gone from seeing me as challenging and argumentative when given work to do, to trying to simply understand what they want from me, and why.

    I agree with Pixiefox. I am seen as blunt and abrasive in my communication, i do not do social niceties, but i am empathic for people's negative emotions. It upsets me to see people in emotional pain and i really feel it as if it was my own. And that is exhausting. At the end of the day i love coming home to my flat, not having to decipher NT behaviour, not having to try and filter my Autistic reactions, not being bombarded by NT emotions that they deny having, which is bizarre.

    If over worked, anxious or not sleeping well my Autistic traits break free and can cause issues. I have grown to understand myself much better now, and am grateful for my Autistic abilities.

Reply
  • Hello,

    I am a 51yr old female (tomboy) and was diagnosed two years ago. I realised i was on the spectrum when i was 46. When i was younger i really felt the world was full of nimcompoops and i would get into "arguments" when i thought i was trying to explain myself. The more words i used the more antagonistic people got. I would get tired of people around me for too long. I was not interested in their conversations. I had no interest in their lives and no intention of sharing mine. I got fed up with "games" and double meanings. And yes, people not hearing my words because they assumed i meant something else. I found it all exhausting.

    Once i got my head around my diagnosis... which resulted in my 18yrs relationship with a controlling NT ending because of the "stigma" i became much happier in myself. Contentment and at peace for longer periods of time. I live alone now and that works much better for me. 

    I have worked in the same job for 14yrs, the team have got used to my unique traits (even only 3 know my diagnosis) and i have got to trust that when they tell me to calm down, breathe, to be quiet, that they are not attacking me but pointing out that my behaviour is getting a bit wild because they realise i am not aware of it. They no longer flinch when i point out mistakes, they in turn realise i bring the errors up because i hope to help them improve their work, not because i want to upset them.

    I had to share my diagnosis with my managers. They have both been very accepting, and if anything were not surprised at all once they googled Autism/Aspergers etc. They have now gone from seeing me as challenging and argumentative when given work to do, to trying to simply understand what they want from me, and why.

    I agree with Pixiefox. I am seen as blunt and abrasive in my communication, i do not do social niceties, but i am empathic for people's negative emotions. It upsets me to see people in emotional pain and i really feel it as if it was my own. And that is exhausting. At the end of the day i love coming home to my flat, not having to decipher NT behaviour, not having to try and filter my Autistic reactions, not being bombarded by NT emotions that they deny having, which is bizarre.

    If over worked, anxious or not sleeping well my Autistic traits break free and can cause issues. I have grown to understand myself much better now, and am grateful for my Autistic abilities.

Children
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