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Any ASD spectrum people think it's other people who are the problem?

LastHorizon

I feel worn out with the endless references to the difficulties people on my spectrum have without considering that it's perhaps neurotypical people who cause the difficulty.

Have you considered the same thing?

In discussions with my advisor, for example, difficulties are sometimes identified as my tendency to "take things litererally". I find it frustrating. If people expressed themselves both clearly and directly then their literal meaning would be the meaning intended. What's wrong with that?

Also, something which frustrates me greatly is other people who fail to take my own meaning literally. They appear to believe, incorrectly, that like them, I also mean something I didn't say. In discussions with my advisor, again, this difficulty is basically discussed as if it is my fault because I'm autistic.

In both cases it seems to me that if others expressed themselves more clearly, and were used to doing so, then neither of us would have such problems with communication.

Limitations experienced or caused by neurotypical people are not sufficiently acknowledged or recognised, they tend to be hidden or widely accepted simply because their faults are deemed socially normal.


What do others think?

Do you agree the difficulties you face on the ASD spectrum are often really as much to do with the limitations and difficulties caused by neurotypical people? 

Do you have experiences of difficulties you beleive you wouldn't have if neurotypical people developed some of the distinct advantages of being on the ASD spectrum?

Do you have stories or regular frustrations which make you think "If only..." the person you're speaking to, or example, would see things more literally, or something else?

Where do you think being neurotypical is a disadvantage over being ASD?

Also, like me, do you believe it is significant that such difficulties only occur in meetings with neurotypical people, and mysteriously vanish at all other times? Suggesting it's as much neurotypical who are the cause of producing the problem as anything we are the cause of ourselves?

Just generally what do you think are the frustration of ASD for which the neurotypicals basically really have only themselves to blame?

Parents

  • S, your post was very insightful. I identified with your comment about how autism used to be viewed - in fact, I thought that even the quite recent horizon programme about autism didn't give the full picture of the Autistic spectrum; there seemed to be a lot of focus on communication problems, which I don't identify with, and not much explanation of the anxiety which ASD people suffer - the only person I identified with on that programme was the woman with aspergers who does presentations about it - she was my reason for looking into whether I might be on the spectrum. 

    I also identify with feeling that some social activities are pointless. I used to either attend work social events and suffer discomfort or make up a reason why I couldn't attend. Now I thank the person organising the event, for the invitation  but say it's not something I enjoy doing. 

    Possum - re your comment about black and white thinking and tact; we're not all like that. My ASD husband thinks more in that way, but I have pretty good communication skills, honed by years of studying other people and attending communication skills and assertiveness training, so I can "do" tact and if I forget to think before I speak I usually guess if I might have offended someone and explain that I didn't mean to. As not all NT's are the same, ASD people also vary a lot. For instance, while some cannot pick up what emotions other people are feeling, some, like me, are emotional empaths - we not only pick up on the emotional pain others are feeling, we actually experience it personally. Unfortunately this empathy seems to mainly encompass the negative emotions such as anger, frustration, anxiety and despair, which makes some days exhausting. 

    You say that your young ASD person is keen to make friends but has difficulties with this. Are there any opportunities for him/her to make friends with other ASD young people? If not, is this something you could arrange? Although I get on well with several NT people, I feel most comfortable with my husband and best friend, both who are on the spectrum. 

Reply

  • S, your post was very insightful. I identified with your comment about how autism used to be viewed - in fact, I thought that even the quite recent horizon programme about autism didn't give the full picture of the Autistic spectrum; there seemed to be a lot of focus on communication problems, which I don't identify with, and not much explanation of the anxiety which ASD people suffer - the only person I identified with on that programme was the woman with aspergers who does presentations about it - she was my reason for looking into whether I might be on the spectrum. 

    I also identify with feeling that some social activities are pointless. I used to either attend work social events and suffer discomfort or make up a reason why I couldn't attend. Now I thank the person organising the event, for the invitation  but say it's not something I enjoy doing. 

    Possum - re your comment about black and white thinking and tact; we're not all like that. My ASD husband thinks more in that way, but I have pretty good communication skills, honed by years of studying other people and attending communication skills and assertiveness training, so I can "do" tact and if I forget to think before I speak I usually guess if I might have offended someone and explain that I didn't mean to. As not all NT's are the same, ASD people also vary a lot. For instance, while some cannot pick up what emotions other people are feeling, some, like me, are emotional empaths - we not only pick up on the emotional pain others are feeling, we actually experience it personally. Unfortunately this empathy seems to mainly encompass the negative emotions such as anger, frustration, anxiety and despair, which makes some days exhausting. 

    You say that your young ASD person is keen to make friends but has difficulties with this. Are there any opportunities for him/her to make friends with other ASD young people? If not, is this something you could arrange? Although I get on well with several NT people, I feel most comfortable with my husband and best friend, both who are on the spectrum. 

Children
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