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Any ASD spectrum people think it's other people who are the problem?

LastHorizon

I feel worn out with the endless references to the difficulties people on my spectrum have without considering that it's perhaps neurotypical people who cause the difficulty.

Have you considered the same thing?

In discussions with my advisor, for example, difficulties are sometimes identified as my tendency to "take things litererally". I find it frustrating. If people expressed themselves both clearly and directly then their literal meaning would be the meaning intended. What's wrong with that?

Also, something which frustrates me greatly is other people who fail to take my own meaning literally. They appear to believe, incorrectly, that like them, I also mean something I didn't say. In discussions with my advisor, again, this difficulty is basically discussed as if it is my fault because I'm autistic.

In both cases it seems to me that if others expressed themselves more clearly, and were used to doing so, then neither of us would have such problems with communication.

Limitations experienced or caused by neurotypical people are not sufficiently acknowledged or recognised, they tend to be hidden or widely accepted simply because their faults are deemed socially normal.


What do others think?

Do you agree the difficulties you face on the ASD spectrum are often really as much to do with the limitations and difficulties caused by neurotypical people? 

Do you have experiences of difficulties you beleive you wouldn't have if neurotypical people developed some of the distinct advantages of being on the ASD spectrum?

Do you have stories or regular frustrations which make you think "If only..." the person you're speaking to, or example, would see things more literally, or something else?

Where do you think being neurotypical is a disadvantage over being ASD?

Also, like me, do you believe it is significant that such difficulties only occur in meetings with neurotypical people, and mysteriously vanish at all other times? Suggesting it's as much neurotypical who are the cause of producing the problem as anything we are the cause of ourselves?

Just generally what do you think are the frustration of ASD for which the neurotypicals basically really have only themselves to blame?

Parents

  • Possum, I didn' t mean any offense to you or any other NTs.

    I guess, it is one of these instances where polite thing would be to agree that "all people are different" and leave it at that. However, claiming concession for my "social deficits", I disagree and respond instead.

    1." Quite a black and white perspective on NTs!"

    Where is the black and white  ? there are no blanket statements "all NT's are...".

    Of course not all NT's are backstabbing and judgemental. probably most are not like that. However, those few people who are like that, are much more likely to be NT than "on the spectrum". Therefore, it is fair to say that lying and backstabbing are NT behaviours. Like hand-flapping are considered "autistic behaviours". Doesn't mean all autistics flap their hands. 

    2. "Fitting in with a group need not be sheep-like. Ants do rather well with their co-operative activity. Some seemingly 'pointless' activities are down to politeness, rules of engagement and social expectation. You can have these things as well as a different point of view, interests, ways of doing things, lifestyle etc. "

    Even sheep are not identical in their looks or behaviours (except Dolly and her clones:) ). But let's replace sheep-like with "NT people-like" to make it less offensive. You need to be much more similar to other group members to fit into an NT-people group as opposed to "spectrum" group. this is where sheeple come from. NTs are usually less accepting of differences. Many "social problems" are only problems when dealing with NTs. not between "spectrum people"

    "Ants do rather well with their co-operative activity." Yes, ants are amazing in their synchrony and unity. Their colonies are even called superorganisms. NT people are nowhere near that level of agreement and cooperation :)) we wouldn't have so much violence if they really were like ants :)

    Again, no offense was intended, "ant-people" was just an informal term we used and still use between us, at home, to describe people that are now called NT. Back then, where i was, autism as a disorder did not exist unless you were non-verbal. and even then it was only for kids and turned to schizophrenia or "got cured" at adulthood.

    3. "Some seemingly 'pointless' activities are down to politeness, rules of engagement and social expectation."

     Exactly. The only point of some social activities ( pls note, i do not say "all" activities") is to "fulfil  expectations". but what if we have different expectations ? Those activites have no intrinsic value, for a different group they are pointless. pressure to confom breeds anxiety. wrong environment. 


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  • Possum, I didn' t mean any offense to you or any other NTs.

    I guess, it is one of these instances where polite thing would be to agree that "all people are different" and leave it at that. However, claiming concession for my "social deficits", I disagree and respond instead.

    1." Quite a black and white perspective on NTs!"

    Where is the black and white  ? there are no blanket statements "all NT's are...".

    Of course not all NT's are backstabbing and judgemental. probably most are not like that. However, those few people who are like that, are much more likely to be NT than "on the spectrum". Therefore, it is fair to say that lying and backstabbing are NT behaviours. Like hand-flapping are considered "autistic behaviours". Doesn't mean all autistics flap their hands. 

    2. "Fitting in with a group need not be sheep-like. Ants do rather well with their co-operative activity. Some seemingly 'pointless' activities are down to politeness, rules of engagement and social expectation. You can have these things as well as a different point of view, interests, ways of doing things, lifestyle etc. "

    Even sheep are not identical in their looks or behaviours (except Dolly and her clones:) ). But let's replace sheep-like with "NT people-like" to make it less offensive. You need to be much more similar to other group members to fit into an NT-people group as opposed to "spectrum" group. this is where sheeple come from. NTs are usually less accepting of differences. Many "social problems" are only problems when dealing with NTs. not between "spectrum people"

    "Ants do rather well with their co-operative activity." Yes, ants are amazing in their synchrony and unity. Their colonies are even called superorganisms. NT people are nowhere near that level of agreement and cooperation :)) we wouldn't have so much violence if they really were like ants :)

    Again, no offense was intended, "ant-people" was just an informal term we used and still use between us, at home, to describe people that are now called NT. Back then, where i was, autism as a disorder did not exist unless you were non-verbal. and even then it was only for kids and turned to schizophrenia or "got cured" at adulthood.

    3. "Some seemingly 'pointless' activities are down to politeness, rules of engagement and social expectation."

     Exactly. The only point of some social activities ( pls note, i do not say "all" activities") is to "fulfil  expectations". but what if we have different expectations ? Those activites have no intrinsic value, for a different group they are pointless. pressure to confom breeds anxiety. wrong environment. 


Children
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