Any ASD spectrum people think it's other people who are the problem?

I feel worn out with the endless references to the difficulties people on my spectrum have without considering that it's perhaps neurotypical people who cause the difficulty.

Have you considered the same thing?

In discussions with my advisor, for example, difficulties are sometimes identified as my tendency to "take things litererally". I find it frustrating. If people expressed themselves both clearly and directly then their literal meaning would be the meaning intended. What's wrong with that?

Also, something which frustrates me greatly is other people who fail to take my own meaning literally. They appear to believe, incorrectly, that like them, I also mean something I didn't say. In discussions with my advisor, again, this difficulty is basically discussed as if it is my fault because I'm autistic.

In both cases it seems to me that if others expressed themselves more clearly, and were used to doing so, then neither of us would have such problems with communication.

Limitations experienced or caused by neurotypical people are not sufficiently acknowledged or recognised, they tend to be hidden or widely accepted simply because their faults are deemed socially normal.


What do others think?

Do you agree the difficulties you face on the ASD spectrum are often really as much to do with the limitations and difficulties caused by neurotypical people? 

Do you have experiences of difficulties you beleive you wouldn't have if neurotypical people developed some of the distinct advantages of being on the ASD spectrum?

Do you have stories or regular frustrations which make you think "If only..." the person you're speaking to, or example, would see things more literally, or something else?

Where do you think being neurotypical is a disadvantage over being ASD?

Also, like me, do you believe it is significant that such difficulties only occur in meetings with neurotypical people, and mysteriously vanish at all other times? Suggesting it's as much neurotypical who are the cause of producing the problem as anything we are the cause of ourselves?

Just generally what do you think are the frustration of ASD for which the neurotypicals basically really have only themselves to blame?

Parents
  • This is an interesting thread which got me thinking about how neuro-typicals have influenced my life. 

    Let's start with childhood. Many NT kids I knew at school were boisterous and noisy, lacked any loyalty,  were jealous of others, teased and fought others for fun, were competitive to the point of nastiness, and lied as a matter of course without seeming to feel any guilt. I was forced to adapt my behaviour to try to stop the nastiest ones bullying me (although that still happened in my teens). I was made to feel like a loser when I was one of the last to be picked in team games, and made to feel like a freak or "teacher's pet" when I actually demonstrated skills in creative writing or music at school. I've always had a strong sense of fairness and justice, virtually no feelings of jealousy, and a dislike of loud noise, competitiveness, deception, teasing and disloyalty. When I got stomach aches every morning before school at 7 or 8, the family doctor concluded I was jealous of my baby sister staying at home with our mother, which couldn't have been further from the truth - I was terrified of the other kids and wanted a safe place to be, not my mother - I would have been just as happy sitting on my own in an empty field with some books to read.

    As an adult, I've often been puzzled as to why some people are so unpredictable - I think they're on my side and then they unfairly blame me for something or let me down, without appearing to care that I'm upset, making me feel like I'm weak and stupid.

    I've been lucky in that my husband is also on the spectrum and my best friend also has AS traits - they're the only people I completely trust, who I know won't lie to me, who will always be there at the time we arrange, who share my dislikes and my sense of justice. I love to take my husband when I go clothes shopping as I know he'll always be honest about what suits me and help me pick things that I look really nice in.

    I feel a bit bad about saying this, as I do now have some lovely NT colleagues who are really caring and understanding, but I still can't identify with them the same way.

Reply
  • This is an interesting thread which got me thinking about how neuro-typicals have influenced my life. 

    Let's start with childhood. Many NT kids I knew at school were boisterous and noisy, lacked any loyalty,  were jealous of others, teased and fought others for fun, were competitive to the point of nastiness, and lied as a matter of course without seeming to feel any guilt. I was forced to adapt my behaviour to try to stop the nastiest ones bullying me (although that still happened in my teens). I was made to feel like a loser when I was one of the last to be picked in team games, and made to feel like a freak or "teacher's pet" when I actually demonstrated skills in creative writing or music at school. I've always had a strong sense of fairness and justice, virtually no feelings of jealousy, and a dislike of loud noise, competitiveness, deception, teasing and disloyalty. When I got stomach aches every morning before school at 7 or 8, the family doctor concluded I was jealous of my baby sister staying at home with our mother, which couldn't have been further from the truth - I was terrified of the other kids and wanted a safe place to be, not my mother - I would have been just as happy sitting on my own in an empty field with some books to read.

    As an adult, I've often been puzzled as to why some people are so unpredictable - I think they're on my side and then they unfairly blame me for something or let me down, without appearing to care that I'm upset, making me feel like I'm weak and stupid.

    I've been lucky in that my husband is also on the spectrum and my best friend also has AS traits - they're the only people I completely trust, who I know won't lie to me, who will always be there at the time we arrange, who share my dislikes and my sense of justice. I love to take my husband when I go clothes shopping as I know he'll always be honest about what suits me and help me pick things that I look really nice in.

    I feel a bit bad about saying this, as I do now have some lovely NT colleagues who are really caring and understanding, but I still can't identify with them the same way.

Children
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