Any ASD spectrum people think it's other people who are the problem?

I feel worn out with the endless references to the difficulties people on my spectrum have without considering that it's perhaps neurotypical people who cause the difficulty.

Have you considered the same thing?

In discussions with my advisor, for example, difficulties are sometimes identified as my tendency to "take things litererally". I find it frustrating. If people expressed themselves both clearly and directly then their literal meaning would be the meaning intended. What's wrong with that?

Also, something which frustrates me greatly is other people who fail to take my own meaning literally. They appear to believe, incorrectly, that like them, I also mean something I didn't say. In discussions with my advisor, again, this difficulty is basically discussed as if it is my fault because I'm autistic.

In both cases it seems to me that if others expressed themselves more clearly, and were used to doing so, then neither of us would have such problems with communication.

Limitations experienced or caused by neurotypical people are not sufficiently acknowledged or recognised, they tend to be hidden or widely accepted simply because their faults are deemed socially normal.


What do others think?

Do you agree the difficulties you face on the ASD spectrum are often really as much to do with the limitations and difficulties caused by neurotypical people? 

Do you have experiences of difficulties you beleive you wouldn't have if neurotypical people developed some of the distinct advantages of being on the ASD spectrum?

Do you have stories or regular frustrations which make you think "If only..." the person you're speaking to, or example, would see things more literally, or something else?

Where do you think being neurotypical is a disadvantage over being ASD?

Also, like me, do you believe it is significant that such difficulties only occur in meetings with neurotypical people, and mysteriously vanish at all other times? Suggesting it's as much neurotypical who are the cause of producing the problem as anything we are the cause of ourselves?

Just generally what do you think are the frustration of ASD for which the neurotypicals basically really have only themselves to blame?

Parents
  • Yes! I too feel worn out & I wish people would say what they mean clearly & directly.  

    A lot of the time they don't seam to care or be very genuine, but as they say the right words in the right order at the right time then that is acceptable to others.  Where as I mean well and say it in the wrong way and thats not O.k.

    I have to work really hard to interact with people & make so much effort trying to fit in. It would be nice for a NT to make as much effort with me. But then my difference is not understood and so I dont see how it will be possible.

    I remember reading this quote from Tony Attwood he says:-

    "You don't suffer from Asperger's you suffer from other people.' (Suffering is) only in the mirror of other poeple who see our uniqueness as a flaw. That's because they're the majority.

    Maybe someday being Neuro-typical will be a diagnosis: 'Oh you poor things they have less focus and no special interests and a pathological need to socialise -maybe they need a support group.'

    Since my diagnosis. My mum is experimenting with being more direct with me.  its great!!!  I got a new top recently (sorry this is a really girly example) I asked for her opinion if it suited me and she said it didnt suit me. I really appreciated her honesty. I wanted to know if it suited me or not, that is why I asked her. Apparently NT's would say 'yes it suits you' even if it doesnt. thats lying! I would much prefer honesty. 

    Another example. My husbands friend recently offered to lend him a DVD of a film he has no interest in whatsoever, but he agreed to watch it so that he could bond with his friend. now he actually has to sit through it so he can discuss it afterwards, even though he doesnt like it! this is called 'bonding' but how can that be a genuine friendship? I am so confused. It seams to me that NT's get themselves into social knots just as much as I do.

    Thankyou Johnsb for sharing NVC system. that sounds very interesting.

Reply
  • Yes! I too feel worn out & I wish people would say what they mean clearly & directly.  

    A lot of the time they don't seam to care or be very genuine, but as they say the right words in the right order at the right time then that is acceptable to others.  Where as I mean well and say it in the wrong way and thats not O.k.

    I have to work really hard to interact with people & make so much effort trying to fit in. It would be nice for a NT to make as much effort with me. But then my difference is not understood and so I dont see how it will be possible.

    I remember reading this quote from Tony Attwood he says:-

    "You don't suffer from Asperger's you suffer from other people.' (Suffering is) only in the mirror of other poeple who see our uniqueness as a flaw. That's because they're the majority.

    Maybe someday being Neuro-typical will be a diagnosis: 'Oh you poor things they have less focus and no special interests and a pathological need to socialise -maybe they need a support group.'

    Since my diagnosis. My mum is experimenting with being more direct with me.  its great!!!  I got a new top recently (sorry this is a really girly example) I asked for her opinion if it suited me and she said it didnt suit me. I really appreciated her honesty. I wanted to know if it suited me or not, that is why I asked her. Apparently NT's would say 'yes it suits you' even if it doesnt. thats lying! I would much prefer honesty. 

    Another example. My husbands friend recently offered to lend him a DVD of a film he has no interest in whatsoever, but he agreed to watch it so that he could bond with his friend. now he actually has to sit through it so he can discuss it afterwards, even though he doesnt like it! this is called 'bonding' but how can that be a genuine friendship? I am so confused. It seams to me that NT's get themselves into social knots just as much as I do.

    Thankyou Johnsb for sharing NVC system. that sounds very interesting.

Children
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