I am new to this forum, I am feeling so upset right now and I can't talk to anyone about how I am feeling. because 1 - no one I know understands and 2 - I will be judged. I have a two and a half year old seveerly autistic child. He has no language and very limited (if any) understanding of anything, there is not much in the way of eye contact and even less in the way of wanting to give or recieve effection, he doesn't respond to his name - or anything really, he does walk and run and climb up and down the stairs (but isn't safe) he is unbearably busy, with no consept of danger, he handflapps and makes clicking noises with his mouth a lot. He has very demanding behaviours and can be visious and nasty physically which i find unbearable to cope with. I am also in very poor health since this pregnancy so I am finding it extra specially hard, and I am so tired. I am not a young mum, I have 2 other vertually grown up children from my first marriage, and 2 from this one. I feel too old and ill to do babies and small children again anyway. especially a little one with these problems. and especially since my health took a nose dive off a cliff.
Ontop of that I am deeply miserable in my marriage. my husband is totally non supportive and has no understanding, nor does he care about my health conditions, even though he has been told repeatedly about them by both myself and health proffesionals. he still expects me to be able to run around and do everything like a young fit 20 yr old and when I fail he gets nasty.
All I think about day and night is up and leaving them all, i couldn't take my 2 and a half year old because aside from the fact i am finding it so hard, he rather likes my husband and seemingly hates me. My other son who is "normal" seems to prefure his dad too so I think i should just take my eldest girl (the only one still at home) and go, I am not saying I dont love my younger children, but everything is just so very hard, and i dont even think my youngest would know if i were gone :'(
