Negative Feedback Loop

If by talking therapy, you mean "CBT" or something similar, then that is indeed used for depression. But it is used for a lot more things than depression. Ergo, someone having CBT and feeling better from talking, isn't automatically suffering from depression.

The reason I don't think it is depression, is because I've been depressed before. I guess depression can have many forms, but, Im not suicidal, Im not self harming, Im not drinking, Im not taking drugs, I don't feel bad about myself. I don't have any of those negative things. Yeah, sure, my self esteem is shot, my self ego is shot... But I have hope. 

That's why to me this isn't depression. It's anger, it's frustration, it's annoyance, it's confusion, it's bewilderment. It's recognising that it's caused because I have no clue how to interpret what someone is doing or saying.

I realise I haven't given the whole back story. Let me explain. Someone calls me a friend, says we should go out for a drink. But they don't add me on Facebook, and we don't go out for that drink. Im fine. Up to a point. Then something tips me over the edge, a delay in replying to a text message, and I start recalling the negative.

I cannot correlate what they're saying with what they're doing. They seem at odds with themselves. They say they're my friend, but they don't add me on Facebook, and we never went out for that drink. I minimise the positive and maximise the negative. I turn them into an ogre in my brain. I have no understanding, no explanation, no way to interpret what's going on.

That's what I mean by negative feedback loop. Someone does something which I don't understand. I take it as negative. Then I feedback every other negative thing back in to the mix. They haven't done anything wrong, they haven't done anything diferent. What was OK yesterday, is now wrong, and it gets worse day by day the more Im in that mindset. I can't function around that person. They came up to talk to me the other day, they were trying to talk to me, and I was just on another planet. I was spaced out, mumbling, one word answers, I couldn't understand what they were asking me. I wanted to be anywhere but there.

But thank God, they persisted, they talked to me, they explained what was going. They gave me reassurance. In the space of five minutes, the red mist went away because the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle fit. There's nothing to obsess about anymore.

The amount of times I've been confused by things like this and I've been all over the forums trying to make sense of what's going on, it borders on the obsessive. It's not what they're doing that bothers me, but the fact I cannot make sense of it. What's obvious to me, is no normal person, thinks this deeply about situations like that.

For the first time, instead of saying it's depression, instead of blaming myself or blaming someone else, I can say - you know what, I haven't a clue what's going on, and I have no shame in telling you, because I want you to help me understand and I want to build a bridge with you. I don't have all the skills, but someone helping me could really be beneficial.

I just wish I knew what I was dealing with, and I wish people would stop saying "everyones like that, you just need to do XYZ". No. XYZ doesn't work for me. 

If by talking therapy, you mean "CBT" or something similar, then that is indeed used for depression. But it is used for a lot more things than depression. Ergo, someone having CBT and feeling better from talking, isn't automatically suffering from depression.

The reason I don't think it is depression, is because I've been depressed before. I guess depression can have many forms, but, Im not suicidal, Im not self harming, Im not drinking, Im not taking drugs, I don't feel bad about myself. I don't have any of those negative things. Yeah, sure, my self esteem is shot, my self ego is shot... But I have hope. 

That's why to me this isn't depression. It's anger, it's frustration, it's annoyance, it's confusion, it's bewilderment. It's recognising that it's caused because I have no clue how to interpret what someone is doing or saying.

I realise I haven't given the whole back story. Let me explain. Someone calls me a friend, says we should go out for a drink. But they don't add me on Facebook, and we don't go out for that drink. Im fine. Up to a point. Then something tips me over the edge, a delay in replying to a text message, and I start recalling the negative.

I cannot correlate what they're saying with what they're doing. They seem at odds with themselves. They say they're my friend, but they don't add me on Facebook, and we never went out for that drink. I minimise the positive and maximise the negative. I turn them into an ogre in my brain. I have no understanding, no explanation, no way to interpret what's going on.

That's what I mean by negative feedback loop. Someone does something which I don't understand. I take it as negative. Then I feedback every other negative thing back in to the mix. They haven't done anything wrong, they haven't done anything diferent. What was OK yesterday, is now wrong, and it gets worse day by day the more Im in that mindset. I can't function around that person. They came up to talk to me the other day, they were trying to talk to me, and I was just on another planet. I was spaced out, mumbling, one word answers, I couldn't understand what they were asking me. I wanted to be anywhere but there.

But thank God, they persisted, they talked to me, they explained what was going. They gave me reassurance. In the space of five minutes, the red mist went away because the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle fit. There's nothing to obsess about anymore.

The amount of times I've been confused by things like this and I've been all over the forums trying to make sense of what's going on, it borders on the obsessive. It's not what they're doing that bothers me, but the fact I cannot make sense of it. What's obvious to me, is no normal person, thinks this deeply about situations like that.

For the first time, instead of saying it's depression, instead of blaming myself or blaming someone else, I can say - you know what, I haven't a clue what's going on, and I have no shame in telling you, because I want you to help me understand and I want to build a bridge with you. I don't have all the skills, but someone helping me could really be beneficial.

I just wish I knew what I was dealing with, and I wish people would stop saying "everyones like that, you just need to do XYZ". No. XYZ doesn't work for me.