New member , stimming question

I'd also suggest that you see if you can find more constructive ways to channel his need for sensory input. 

Your son may be both hyper and hypo sensitive to difference stimulu, so you can use this checklist here to determine some of his needs:

sensorysmarts.com/signs_of_spd.html

This then gives you the chance to see if there are any other (less disruptive) ways you could meet his sensory needs, for example if he is contantly seeking strong proprioreceptive feelings (i.e. pushing things, or shoving himself into people), then maybe buying a weighted blanket, giving him lots of deep pressure bear hugs at these times, or buying him a set of bean bags for him to lift up and try to throw would help? Or if he contantly likes loud sounds around him (i.e. shouting) maybe buy him a set of headphones and children's music to listen to? 

There will be loads of other ideas you could try as well, if these don't work and it's probably going to be trial and error until you find what's right for your son. 

That makes sense. So many times he looks oblivious as to why he's in  trouble and would explain why he just doesn't understand that we're angry with him (usually for hitting his baby sister, which is never done in anger, he never hits in anger). It also would explain why he's completely different at school. He does seem to really respond to the rules at school. I do try to be consistent, but it's not always easy and my husband is not very great at consistency. what you said makes a lot of sense though, we really need to be more consistent.

MrsB16 said:

We would get so mad with him, and still do when it gets too bad. But yet it never stops. 

Getting mad at him when it suits you may be very confusing for him. Getting mad is something that he may not know how to deal with. Children with autistic spectrum problems react best to environments that are very consistent and predictable. Schools can be very orderly places with very well defined rules that are consistently applied and enforced. Homes can be very chaotic places where he may struggle to work out what the rules are and what happens when he breaks rules or conforms to them. Try and be calm, reasonable, fair and consistent with him. Make rules that he, and everyone else in the house, can keep to. Reward good behaviour and have sanctions (naughty step or a quiet room) that you are prepared to use every time he breaks the rule. 

Forgot to ask what we can do to help change the stimming behaviour. It's just not appropriate to make such loud noises or to hit and press people.

Thank you for responding. I hesitate asking for an assessment as it is only my sister and myself who think anything of it. My husband sees he has funny behaviour and sometimes says he thinks he must be on the spectrum, but other times says it's his age. His teachers don't see anything. i just want to understand him and know how to help him. We know he isn't being naughty, and so don't want to keep getting mad with him. I can see he can see he's different too, and sometimes he says it. We assure him he's wonderful and brilliant, so it's important that I can help him understand himself and be happy.

it does seem to me like stimming.  also he may have trouble sensing what is right/wrong, even at his age.  another classic charateristic.  if i was you i would try and get a referal for an assement, as it may answer questions you have, whatever the result.  i was not diagnosed until i was 45, and it was missed when i was young.  i too was well behaved at school, i was shy and introverted and just disappeared really.  but i had no friends and lived in my own world.  but this was the 1970s, luckily things have moved on since then.  aspergers/autism is not a disability and not something to be ashamed of.  but it may help you understand your son better, and it may help him understand himself.

i hope this helps and good luck.