Letting work know

I thought I would update this thread, I feel the autism team I am with have reduced the priority of support for me because of how work have "sold" the employee assistance team at the meeting. I am worried, because this is at a critical time when I am hoping my ongoing support sorted out. Soon it will be nearly a year I have been waiting for some counsuelling which I said I needed even before going through the diagnosis, let alone with all the issues brought up in the past going through the process.

The assistance program at work is starting in January, and all the information I have about it is all marketting based. I feel I will get limited support from it, but nothing to the level like it was discussed in the meeting.

This has been an unexpected problem, just updating it to let anyone who is thinking about letting work know to consider very carefully what information you give about it to any health teams you are working with.

Thanks again for the replies and support, I am sorry to hear your manager was less supportive. Thanks for the suggestion, I will look in to that. I tried to explain how I had a problem with conflicting information between my line manager and other managers. The conversation didn't really go anywhere, and was just told that's the way my line manager is, I have noticed asperger traits in my line manager.

I can certainly relate to take in little verbally and want it all in writing.

I do have concerns about the new employee assistance benefit will work, I really do hope I will be able to access my old counsuelor through this, but am worried that will not be possible.

I really sympathise as i'm in a similar situation at work. My manager was less supportive and I've contacted Access to Work to help me.

You might consider this and they will fund a NAS person to assess your workplace/situation and mentor you. They can also advise your employers on communication issues, such as the one Classic_Codger highlights, that we take in little verbally and want it all in writing.

I'm not surprised by anything you say. Simply being put in that position is stressful enough, but being asked 'instant' answers and trying to organise your thoughts is truly exhausting, so well done for going, well done for getting through with some outcomes, and I hope that it was a better experience than you were worried about it turning into.

This all leaves you with the aftermath to deal with, of course, so I'm wondering if you're feeling that they've grasped the whole of the situation and given their word to be extra supportive?

In that situation, I'd be likely to hear about 10% of what's being said and talked about, it would be all too much to deal with at once, and I'd settle for 'recording' the rest and then going home to go over it in my own time. I can never respond 'instantly' when I'm in what I see as a confrontational situation, and I wouldn't be able to see this in any other way!

I'm sure it took everything out of you, just to go through the ordeal, so I hope you're in a good place right now to look after yourself.

Well done

Meeting was Yesterday, very stressful, not what I had expected, but many thoughts were going through my head. We discussed the social events, and she seemed to be very accomodating. We discussed the pension crisis I had last week, and she has offered to help me put my complaint in. There had been some other significant problems in my personal life over past couple of years, I wanted to let them know, but I didn't manage to do that.

I got very stumped on what changes would help, covered a few areas, but left it open so I can follow up. There are other changes happening at work, have introduced new benefits, which include health cover, and an assistance package. Annoyingly I dont think the health cover is going to be any use because it does not cover any existing conditions or conditions that are not curable.

The assistance package covers counsueling, and am hoping I will be able to use the counsuelor I saw last year who really helped. 

Just feeling a bit dazed about everything, very tired

Thanks for your replies,

I am a website developer

A member of the autism diagnostic team has offered to support me at the meeting. She has been helping me get through recent problems, so will be good to back up my experience.

One thing I am concerned about, is the HR person I need to speak too, is the main person organising the social events and gets very upset if people don't attend. I had shingles this time last year, and recovered just enough so I could get back to work, but couldn't go to Christmas Party because I still had problems travelling agrevating the pain.

Another thing on my mind, is that I did tell my previous employer over six years ago about problems, and they helped me with cousueling. Didn't think anything about it, before redundancies were made, and I was in first round. I am certain opening up to them, led to me being made redundant.

As far as work is concerned, I am capable of doing the work. Although I had asked to be more of a team leader which I have done in the past, and not sure that is the right path for me now. I discussed this with my manager recently, and he understood, but told me if I would have a problem if the guy who has recently started, taking the lead. I was open and told him I would, I would feel resentful.

I have had problems at work over past 4-6 months, before that I still had massive problems in my life outside work, but work life was ok. I find work a help, as it keeps me busy and puts my mind on other things if I have a big problem. This gives me some breathing space, and I am able to think clearer about my problems.

I can see what you're saying. In one of those 'moments' you've said something that you regret, and the worse part is that, now you've told them, they're going to want to explore it when you don't.

I wish I'd never done the same thing, but truthfuly, I've done it so often that I'm actually cringing because I'm feeling your anguish.

It doesn't sound like you have any option but to go ahead with it. The alternative would be to refuse to discuss it and possibly resign, and I hope you don't do that, because they're not going to be able to pretend they haven't heard it, and now, apart from anything else, they've got a legal obligation to you. I don't know what kind of work you do, or what attitude they'll take, but it doesn't matter. What's important is how we're going to help you through this.

It may be that they are enlightened anyway, and will value you enough to want to keep you. If they're unaware of it, you can point them at the NAS and tell them that they can get very good information and advice from them. This at least will take away much of the burden of explaining yourself, and really, as an employer, they should already be aware of the issue.

I think that the first time you discuss this with them will be your opportunity to gauge how they feel. I would call it vital that you take someone with you, I certainly wouldn't encourage you to face this alone, so if you can, please have someone to support you when you meet with them. Is there someone who can do this with you? Are you a union member?

I know you're full of regrets for telling them, but try not to guess at where this is going. There are plenty of good people in the world, and they might just be some of them - see what they say first. I'm sorry this has happened, I've been in the same boat myself, but you know what? Sometimes, something that seemd bad at the time has actually worked out well for me. It didn't stop any of the stuff that went through my head and sounds like it's going through yours right now, but you've endured worse, and you're still in the game.

You can do this.