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Nightmare Work Conference

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Just got back home from a work conference which I had been dreading for months. I didn't really have a choice, and convinced myself to go through with it, on the basis that it would help my job security, following a review where I was told if I wanted to progress at work, I need to attend these events.

Now I am back, I wish I had of missed it, as it has turned out worse than I had feared. I think I have offended some colleagues and management. Since my diagnosis, I have found myself being very vocal when I am having a hard time, which usually ends up with me ranting and swearing. While it does let off some steam, I feel very ashamed afterwards. Not good when I have been doing this at work.

The conference was a 4 day trip to France in a holiday resort out in the middle of nowhere. Most of the attendees are people I have not met, and others I have met only on a few occaisions over past five years. We are all expected to approach and speak with people we dont know.

There were activities and big dinner, you are intentionally grouped in with people you do not know or do not work with regularly. The activities were highly competitive, and I was unfortunately teamed with business owner and 2 senior managers. I made a foolish suggestion for one of the activities, and was laughed at by all members, another activity was football based, I told them I can't play, but had to show willingness to participate. The guy I was playing against was really talented, I got slaugtered, and lost the game. Just got very demotivated, and then being excluded from taking part. 

All the time doing this we had photographers, taking photos. Even under normal circumstanced I just cant cope with my photo being taken. I usually try and avoid the cameras, or try and blend in with the crowd. We had a big marketing photo shoot, but the cameras were placed at unusual locations, I was depressed and hacked off, and was in centre at front of some of the shots.

The only bit I was looking forward too was the food, but this place has the restaurant from hell. A big hall with seating, and central area with tables of food for buffet. The food was not laid out well, try to build a meal with some items, and you could not find all the items, or had to queue up for different bits, and by the end your meal was cold. There were loads of people just rushing around all directions, people just jumping the queue. I wanted some beef steak, but it was being served rare, too rare for my liking. I noticed a chef was cooking some bits longer and serving it to people cooked. Whenever I turned up to him he would point me to where the other steak which was rare, I just pointed to what I wanted, and he just directed me to the other queue, so just walked away. Frequently I would see other people approach him, and he would just hand out the meat he was cooking. I had a meltdown, and other colleagues asked if I was ok. It took me nearly two hours to finally get the steak.

Another problem with the whole complex was the layout, it was like a maze of corridors, small stairs, spiraling in odd directions, and signs that would lead you to a dead end. After getting my meal, I could not find where all my colleagues were sitting. So in the end, just sat down where I found a place. A bit later, the place I was sitting was close to the exit route, and senior managers were walking past seeing me eat on my own.

We had lots of very boring and tired sales presentations to sit through, but even when we had free time. I seemed to pick the places where the senior managers were hanging out. This has been one of the worst experiences I have ever had. 

Has really kicked my depression down another notch or two, and all the hard work I had done to control my diet for the diabetes review in a few weeks time has been destroyed, as I have been eating to help deal with my depression.

I am seriously considering handing my resignation in

Parents

  • Sadly this is a neurotypical thing - bonding in the workplace. It is supposed to develop team spirit and take people out of their comfort zone so management can observe their potential by seeing how they cope with the unfamiliar. Some organisations use a similar strategy for recruitment, getting twenty candidates together over several days for meals and events, to see how they react.

    Also I have to say the manager that dreamed up this trip to France is probably getting a separate all expences paid holiday on the Riviera for choosing them... but most definately do not repeat that suggestion.

    I've attended a lot of such events in different contexts. I have established a rough idea when I reach my limit, and then excuse myself and go somewhere private so I can have a breather. People may criticise me for it, but I'd rather have that little niggle than make a fool of myself in public. I don't meltdown now but I do get stressy and very vocal.

    The way I find to deal with things is to confront these tricky environments, observe from the sidelines what stresses me and what I can manage, and when I'm likely to hit my limit. I can then go along and do as much as I can, rather than opt out, which they do not like. I was doing this years before a diagnosis provided me with an explanation.

    Also I very purposely don't mingle. I find a place to sit or stand near a wall so the sounds come at me from one direction. They don't like that either, but I've worked out my endurance limits hits a whole lot sooner if I'm in the midst of a crowd of people all talking. I don't mind the comments - the main point is I'm there when I need to do my bit.

    Sometimes you can create a purpose for absenting yourself for a while - look out for things that need doing. You'd be amazed how many opportunities are there if you look hard enough. Doing some photocopying of notes or replenishing crisps and nuts, unless there's someone specifically tasked to do that, will be appreciated, even if they gossip about it.

    I have also found over the years I am good at certain things others are not. I can take notes at discussion sessions and workshops, synthesise and extract very quickly, and provide a summing up with style - not everyone's forte I know, but I've had to learn that the only way to balance shortfalls is to trade rare talents. I can go and sort something out with venue management, or do some peacemaking between rivals off to one side.

    If that sounds creepy, it is just that, in life, you have to please the neurotypicals, and they like doing conference, so to survive it you need to make yourself indispensible in ways you can manage, so as to offset having to disappear mysteriously every now and then in order to survive. And they might make you an organiser (unless that prospect scares you). Organisers can disappear now and then on some important errand.

    For most of my life I didn't have a diagnosis, and my oddity was a big issue everywhere I worked, sometimes ridiculously so. Neurotypicals can be so downright petty. I had to survive, and I found ways that worked.

Reply

  • Sadly this is a neurotypical thing - bonding in the workplace. It is supposed to develop team spirit and take people out of their comfort zone so management can observe their potential by seeing how they cope with the unfamiliar. Some organisations use a similar strategy for recruitment, getting twenty candidates together over several days for meals and events, to see how they react.

    Also I have to say the manager that dreamed up this trip to France is probably getting a separate all expences paid holiday on the Riviera for choosing them... but most definately do not repeat that suggestion.

    I've attended a lot of such events in different contexts. I have established a rough idea when I reach my limit, and then excuse myself and go somewhere private so I can have a breather. People may criticise me for it, but I'd rather have that little niggle than make a fool of myself in public. I don't meltdown now but I do get stressy and very vocal.

    The way I find to deal with things is to confront these tricky environments, observe from the sidelines what stresses me and what I can manage, and when I'm likely to hit my limit. I can then go along and do as much as I can, rather than opt out, which they do not like. I was doing this years before a diagnosis provided me with an explanation.

    Also I very purposely don't mingle. I find a place to sit or stand near a wall so the sounds come at me from one direction. They don't like that either, but I've worked out my endurance limits hits a whole lot sooner if I'm in the midst of a crowd of people all talking. I don't mind the comments - the main point is I'm there when I need to do my bit.

    Sometimes you can create a purpose for absenting yourself for a while - look out for things that need doing. You'd be amazed how many opportunities are there if you look hard enough. Doing some photocopying of notes or replenishing crisps and nuts, unless there's someone specifically tasked to do that, will be appreciated, even if they gossip about it.

    I have also found over the years I am good at certain things others are not. I can take notes at discussion sessions and workshops, synthesise and extract very quickly, and provide a summing up with style - not everyone's forte I know, but I've had to learn that the only way to balance shortfalls is to trade rare talents. I can go and sort something out with venue management, or do some peacemaking between rivals off to one side.

    If that sounds creepy, it is just that, in life, you have to please the neurotypicals, and they like doing conference, so to survive it you need to make yourself indispensible in ways you can manage, so as to offset having to disappear mysteriously every now and then in order to survive. And they might make you an organiser (unless that prospect scares you). Organisers can disappear now and then on some important errand.

    For most of my life I didn't have a diagnosis, and my oddity was a big issue everywhere I worked, sometimes ridiculously so. Neurotypicals can be so downright petty. I had to survive, and I found ways that worked.

Children
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