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Could my husband have ASD or AS?

aliciakh

OK, so this is a fairly new territory for me, but have been at a bit of a loss for the last 15 years with my other half! He is a genuine, caring and kind person, but he has almost no ability to empathise. He is an exceptional musician and has been able to make a career out of it for himself, he has been consumed by it and is pretty much not able to focus on anything that isnt to do with music. He has a photographic memory and is able to remember hours and hours worth of music - however he cant remember what day it is ot what he has to do that day, unless he makes himself a list. He has little to no interest in other things at all, and cannot see further than the next day, planning for the future has been very one sided. We have 2 children, and it is becoming apparent that as they get older (they are 7 and 10) they are starting to exceed him emotionally. I have recently been diagnosed with a lifelong and progressive illness, which means that I have, and will continue to become more physically dependant on him. He isnt coping with it very well, and tends to always say the wrong thing, when I have been upset or worried about it, he just talks about how it effects him, and how unfair it is. There have been times when I have been in hospital and he has been at home with the kids, when he has phoned me to find out when I'm coming home becuase he doesnt know what to make for dinner. There are many other examples! I guess why I am here is that I've thought he thinks and processes things differently for a while now. There is a history of similar things in his family - his brother has a split personality and his mum is bi-polar and has OCD. Is is possible that he has learnt these strange behaviors from his mother, or is it that he has it in his own right? He spends a lot of time making lists, finding patterns in things, he didnt talk nealy at all between the ages of 9 and 13, never really had any close friends -just tends to drift from one person to another. He teaches music to a number of other people that have autism to varying degress, and commented the other day that he can see a lot of simliar patterns and behaviours in himself. 

No idea where to start with getting a diagnosis! We did an online test for it the other day and it came out as 36 - well above the threshold. Is anyone in a similar position, or has anyone gone through this before? Could do with some pointers please! Or a little gentle reassurance! 

Parents

  • Hi

    Is your partner keen to get a diagnosis?Some people are happy to self-diagnose and not go through a formal process.

    Whilst being given a diagnosis of autism is almost always a great help and also a relief to the autistic person, it does not mean that the health service will provide any further assistance or support. I think it important to know that, because one of the reasons for going for a diagnosis may be to get support. One can be left to deal with a maelstrom of feelings and issues as a result of getting a diagnosis but be offered no help to resolve them or make sense of the new self-knowledge.

    Since finding that I'm autistic I've stopped trying to be like neurotypical people and given myself permission to enjoy the things that make me happy. Typically autistic things! Thus getting a diagnosis could make your partner exhibit more autistic behaviour.

    Its also worth knowing that a diagnosis involves being described by medical professionals in terms of deficits and disorders. Your partner's huge skills and abilities won't matter and aren't  assessed as part of a diagnosis.This is not good for one's self image or self respect and can take time to recover from.

    This may be too forthright and I've no wish to offend, but is the issue driving this is the increasing dependance you are likely to have on your partner? Your post details how he isn't coping well with this, but from what you've written he is coping the way an autistic person could be expected to cope.

    I'm sorry not to paint a rosy picture but a diagnosis of autism means that you know for certain you can never be the same as other people however hard you try and that you are profoundly but invisibly different. As other posters have said, knowing what and who you are is healing and powerful. It can also separate and divide you from the 99% who were born neurotypical.

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  • Hi

    Is your partner keen to get a diagnosis?Some people are happy to self-diagnose and not go through a formal process.

    Whilst being given a diagnosis of autism is almost always a great help and also a relief to the autistic person, it does not mean that the health service will provide any further assistance or support. I think it important to know that, because one of the reasons for going for a diagnosis may be to get support. One can be left to deal with a maelstrom of feelings and issues as a result of getting a diagnosis but be offered no help to resolve them or make sense of the new self-knowledge.

    Since finding that I'm autistic I've stopped trying to be like neurotypical people and given myself permission to enjoy the things that make me happy. Typically autistic things! Thus getting a diagnosis could make your partner exhibit more autistic behaviour.

    Its also worth knowing that a diagnosis involves being described by medical professionals in terms of deficits and disorders. Your partner's huge skills and abilities won't matter and aren't  assessed as part of a diagnosis.This is not good for one's self image or self respect and can take time to recover from.

    This may be too forthright and I've no wish to offend, but is the issue driving this is the increasing dependance you are likely to have on your partner? Your post details how he isn't coping well with this, but from what you've written he is coping the way an autistic person could be expected to cope.

    I'm sorry not to paint a rosy picture but a diagnosis of autism means that you know for certain you can never be the same as other people however hard you try and that you are profoundly but invisibly different. As other posters have said, knowing what and who you are is healing and powerful. It can also separate and divide you from the 99% who were born neurotypical.

Children
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