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Could my husband have ASD or AS?

aliciakh

OK, so this is a fairly new territory for me, but have been at a bit of a loss for the last 15 years with my other half! He is a genuine, caring and kind person, but he has almost no ability to empathise. He is an exceptional musician and has been able to make a career out of it for himself, he has been consumed by it and is pretty much not able to focus on anything that isnt to do with music. He has a photographic memory and is able to remember hours and hours worth of music - however he cant remember what day it is ot what he has to do that day, unless he makes himself a list. He has little to no interest in other things at all, and cannot see further than the next day, planning for the future has been very one sided. We have 2 children, and it is becoming apparent that as they get older (they are 7 and 10) they are starting to exceed him emotionally. I have recently been diagnosed with a lifelong and progressive illness, which means that I have, and will continue to become more physically dependant on him. He isnt coping with it very well, and tends to always say the wrong thing, when I have been upset or worried about it, he just talks about how it effects him, and how unfair it is. There have been times when I have been in hospital and he has been at home with the kids, when he has phoned me to find out when I'm coming home becuase he doesnt know what to make for dinner. There are many other examples! I guess why I am here is that I've thought he thinks and processes things differently for a while now. There is a history of similar things in his family - his brother has a split personality and his mum is bi-polar and has OCD. Is is possible that he has learnt these strange behaviors from his mother, or is it that he has it in his own right? He spends a lot of time making lists, finding patterns in things, he didnt talk nealy at all between the ages of 9 and 13, never really had any close friends -just tends to drift from one person to another. He teaches music to a number of other people that have autism to varying degress, and commented the other day that he can see a lot of simliar patterns and behaviours in himself. 

No idea where to start with getting a diagnosis! We did an online test for it the other day and it came out as 36 - well above the threshold. Is anyone in a similar position, or has anyone gone through this before? Could do with some pointers please! Or a little gentle reassurance! 

Parents
  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Getting a diagnosis can help massively as it can provide insight and explanations about why someone with ASD has been in conflict with the world so often. I read Valerie Gaus' book "Living Well on the Spectrum" which provided me with the knowledge that you can live well with the condition. I got diagnosed after reading the book and it provided me with confirmation that I was affected but also it provided some hope that it wasn't a terrible thing to have.

    Some people are however undermined by the diagnosis because it is a permanent, "unfixable" condition. Ther can be no guarantees about how an individual will take a diagnosis.

    I have felt very liberated since the diagnosis and have felt more able to relax and to work to understand how to work with the grain, that I was born with, rather than trying to make myself into something different. It is an invisible condition so you will only get stigma from people that have been told about it - it is not well understood and there is no need to tell everyone about it but I have told colleagues and friends and haven't had any comeback.

    It is confusing, as CC says, and it doesn't provide instant answers or a silver bullet. I am however totally 110% glad to know wtf was going on!

    If he is affected by anxiety and depression then this is a very valid reason to go for a diagnosis. His GP should refer him to a specialist although this can be a bit of a lottery as some GPs may not have understand how you can be relatively successful but still fit the diagnostic criteria. I was suffering from depression and stress due to work issues but managed to make a coherent enough case to the GP to get a referral. It can help to write down a list of reasons a) why you need a diagnosis and b) why you think that he has the condition.

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  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Getting a diagnosis can help massively as it can provide insight and explanations about why someone with ASD has been in conflict with the world so often. I read Valerie Gaus' book "Living Well on the Spectrum" which provided me with the knowledge that you can live well with the condition. I got diagnosed after reading the book and it provided me with confirmation that I was affected but also it provided some hope that it wasn't a terrible thing to have.

    Some people are however undermined by the diagnosis because it is a permanent, "unfixable" condition. Ther can be no guarantees about how an individual will take a diagnosis.

    I have felt very liberated since the diagnosis and have felt more able to relax and to work to understand how to work with the grain, that I was born with, rather than trying to make myself into something different. It is an invisible condition so you will only get stigma from people that have been told about it - it is not well understood and there is no need to tell everyone about it but I have told colleagues and friends and haven't had any comeback.

    It is confusing, as CC says, and it doesn't provide instant answers or a silver bullet. I am however totally 110% glad to know wtf was going on!

    If he is affected by anxiety and depression then this is a very valid reason to go for a diagnosis. His GP should refer him to a specialist although this can be a bit of a lottery as some GPs may not have understand how you can be relatively successful but still fit the diagnostic criteria. I was suffering from depression and stress due to work issues but managed to make a coherent enough case to the GP to get a referral. It can help to write down a list of reasons a) why you need a diagnosis and b) why you think that he has the condition.

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