family holidays

Hello! You seem to be in a bit of a pickle with this, and I can see what a tough one it might be.

Your daughter says she doesn't want to go - did she say why? The unknown is a huge and daunting fear for us that raises all sorts of questions. Will I be OK, what will I do, how does it work etc etc. It's always best to encourage your daughter to talk about things, and it sounds to me as if you do, but you should have difficulty understanding where her answers are coming from. That would be normal, and we can't always describe what we feel.

As you point out, you've never done this before. From her point of view, you want to take her away from everything that is known and familiar to her, and that's a bigger issue than you can imagine. Know, yes, understand, I think not. It would be incredible for you to even be able to fully understand.

You want to take her away from home. Scary. You want her to stay in a caravan. How does that work. You want her to enjoy herself. Difficult when you're an Aspie sitting there trying not to give in to the overwhelming fear of the situation you've been forced into.

I appreciate that for you, these issues don't exist, and nor should they. You deserve a break, and you should assert your right to have one. If your husband has suggested a way, you should take it, no question. But did you really think that presenting you daughter with this would just be smooth? If you did, your approach couldn't have been worse.

She needs tons of information, and tons of reassurance that she'll be fine, and then time to 'research' and get used to the idea. She also needs to know that whatever she decides will be OK. This may not work out as you would like it to. I saw an advertisement on telly just now, asking what the coast means to you. My immediate reaction was 'Urgh, sand'. I cannot bear the feel of cotton wool, walking on 'crunchy' snow does the same to me, and sand can be the same. I hate getting it underfoot, on me, in my shoes... These are the very important sensory inputs that I now recognise as a general sensitivity to textures. It wasn't untill my assessment that I even understood why clothes labels torture me to the point wher I have to cut them out. I can avoid labels, I can avoid cotton wool. Crunchy snow can't always be avoided, but if I deliberately put myself on the beach at the coast, I know what it will do to me. Get it?

I find that if I'm faced with the prospect of going somewhere unknown, that looking at maps and Street View helps me enormously as it takes away a little of the fear of the unknown. You need to know what your daughter is afraid of, the answer will be in multiple parts, and it may be that you are asking too much of her when she doesn't even know what the issues are, or if she does, how to describe them to you. You're showing her your enthusiasm and she doesn't want to spoil it for you.

I suggest that you might do better to ask her what she wants to do - as she gets older, she'll be better at telling you - and then make it possible whenever and wherever you can. If you want her to have new experiences, you might need to change the way you introduce the idea. By your daughter's reaction, you introduced it the wrong way this time, and she doesn't want to spoil things for you. YOU'RE torn, how does your daughter feel? By your tears, you're expressing your own emotions without regard to what you might have done to her.

Are you really trying to say that your husband can't look after his own child for a few days? That's disrespectful of him when he's trying to come up with a workable suggestion so that ALL of his family get what they want. It isn't all just about you, it's about all of you. Let your husband guide you on this and go with his suggestion, I'm sure you've all got telephones if they're needed. Get away for a few days and stop trying to live your daughter's life for her. She'll be better with her own choice than one you force on her. She's got her own life, respect her position. Your other daughter, you, and your husband, also have your own lives - respect that too.

Be kind to yourself, you deserve it. Have a good, relaxing time

Hello! You seem to be in a bit of a pickle with this, and I can see what a tough one it might be.

Your daughter says she doesn't want to go - did she say why? The unknown is a huge and daunting fear for us that raises all sorts of questions. Will I be OK, what will I do, how does it work etc etc. It's always best to encourage your daughter to talk about things, and it sounds to me as if you do, but you should have difficulty understanding where her answers are coming from. That would be normal, and we can't always describe what we feel.

As you point out, you've never done this before. From her point of view, you want to take her away from everything that is known and familiar to her, and that's a bigger issue than you can imagine. Know, yes, understand, I think not. It would be incredible for you to even be able to fully understand.

You want to take her away from home. Scary. You want her to stay in a caravan. How does that work. You want her to enjoy herself. Difficult when you're an Aspie sitting there trying not to give in to the overwhelming fear of the situation you've been forced into.

I appreciate that for you, these issues don't exist, and nor should they. You deserve a break, and you should assert your right to have one. If your husband has suggested a way, you should take it, no question. But did you really think that presenting you daughter with this would just be smooth? If you did, your approach couldn't have been worse.

She needs tons of information, and tons of reassurance that she'll be fine, and then time to 'research' and get used to the idea. She also needs to know that whatever she decides will be OK. This may not work out as you would like it to. I saw an advertisement on telly just now, asking what the coast means to you. My immediate reaction was 'Urgh, sand'. I cannot bear the feel of cotton wool, walking on 'crunchy' snow does the same to me, and sand can be the same. I hate getting it underfoot, on me, in my shoes... These are the very important sensory inputs that I now recognise as a general sensitivity to textures. It wasn't untill my assessment that I even understood why clothes labels torture me to the point wher I have to cut them out. I can avoid labels, I can avoid cotton wool. Crunchy snow can't always be avoided, but if I deliberately put myself on the beach at the coast, I know what it will do to me. Get it?

I find that if I'm faced with the prospect of going somewhere unknown, that looking at maps and Street View helps me enormously as it takes away a little of the fear of the unknown. You need to know what your daughter is afraid of, the answer will be in multiple parts, and it may be that you are asking too much of her when she doesn't even know what the issues are, or if she does, how to describe them to you. You're showing her your enthusiasm and she doesn't want to spoil it for you.

I suggest that you might do better to ask her what she wants to do - as she gets older, she'll be better at telling you - and then make it possible whenever and wherever you can. If you want her to have new experiences, you might need to change the way you introduce the idea. By your daughter's reaction, you introduced it the wrong way this time, and she doesn't want to spoil things for you. YOU'RE torn, how does your daughter feel? By your tears, you're expressing your own emotions without regard to what you might have done to her.

Are you really trying to say that your husband can't look after his own child for a few days? That's disrespectful of him when he's trying to come up with a workable suggestion so that ALL of his family get what they want. It isn't all just about you, it's about all of you. Let your husband guide you on this and go with his suggestion, I'm sure you've all got telephones if they're needed. Get away for a few days and stop trying to live your daughter's life for her. She'll be better with her own choice than one you force on her. She's got her own life, respect her position. Your other daughter, you, and your husband, also have your own lives - respect that too.

Be kind to yourself, you deserve it. Have a good, relaxing time