Is my asperger's syndrome holding me back in life?

Social connectivity is always going to be tricky, because you are unlikely to be able to generate the right body language, facial expressions and eye contact that NTs look for in order to feel comfortable with someone else. And you will struggle to pick up on expected cues and how to respond. Relating uis about trusting. Trusting always seems to need much non-verbal.

However dating is tricky even for NTs and the going-nowhere situation you describe happens to most NTs 9 times out of 10.

Did you arrange the date through an on-line chat room? Conversation in such environment always gets a bit far fetched because people's imaginings about the other person overrule the limited amount of fact. So there is inevitably going to be a big discrepancy on a real meet, especially if either or both of you have been untruthful about how you look.

Granted meeting people through a social venue is going to be hard for someone on the spectrum, but such environments are also awkward for non-autistics/NTs.

Feeling alone and unable to form friendships or relationships is a really big issue for people on the spectrum, but is a big issue for many NTs as well. So don't blame the autism.

I went clubbing regularly for several decades to combat isolation. I hated the noise, I couldn't communicate properly both because my auditory system was overloaded and I couldn't enunciate under that pressure. I seem to be able to notice someone else being interested to chat from a distance, and completely incapacitated close up. I went clubbing because it was expected, and I couldn't face the alternatives.

Where you can form friendships/relationships is on safer ground - somewhere where your interests touch other peoples' or you can compromise your special interests a bit,. That provides social opportunities that might lead to something else.

Trying to compete in environments even NTs struggle with is not the best option.

I may be misunderstanding your post as Mark - and referring to dating a guy. Have you read "Born on a Blue Day by Daniel Tammet (Hodder & Stoughton 2006). He has a whole chapter on falling in love from a gay perspective - meeting via the internet, he says because it avoided eye contact issues, and not meeting until after a lot of email exchanges. It might be a useful book. If I read that wrong, apologies.

Social connectivity is always going to be tricky, because you are unlikely to be able to generate the right body language, facial expressions and eye contact that NTs look for in order to feel comfortable with someone else. And you will struggle to pick up on expected cues and how to respond. Relating uis about trusting. Trusting always seems to need much non-verbal.

However dating is tricky even for NTs and the going-nowhere situation you describe happens to most NTs 9 times out of 10.

Did you arrange the date through an on-line chat room? Conversation in such environment always gets a bit far fetched because people's imaginings about the other person overrule the limited amount of fact. So there is inevitably going to be a big discrepancy on a real meet, especially if either or both of you have been untruthful about how you look.

Granted meeting people through a social venue is going to be hard for someone on the spectrum, but such environments are also awkward for non-autistics/NTs.

Feeling alone and unable to form friendships or relationships is a really big issue for people on the spectrum, but is a big issue for many NTs as well. So don't blame the autism.

I went clubbing regularly for several decades to combat isolation. I hated the noise, I couldn't communicate properly both because my auditory system was overloaded and I couldn't enunciate under that pressure. I seem to be able to notice someone else being interested to chat from a distance, and completely incapacitated close up. I went clubbing because it was expected, and I couldn't face the alternatives.

Where you can form friendships/relationships is on safer ground - somewhere where your interests touch other peoples' or you can compromise your special interests a bit,. That provides social opportunities that might lead to something else.

Trying to compete in environments even NTs struggle with is not the best option.

I may be misunderstanding your post as Mark - and referring to dating a guy. Have you read "Born on a Blue Day by Daniel Tammet (Hodder & Stoughton 2006). He has a whole chapter on falling in love from a gay perspective - meeting via the internet, he says because it avoided eye contact issues, and not meeting until after a lot of email exchanges. It might be a useful book. If I read that wrong, apologies.