Published on 12, July, 2020
Post diagnosis, I had a real revelation about my life and about why I struggled so much in so many different ways. I found it both liberating and cathartic to a certain extent.
As a result of a number of more recent events, I find myself questioning why I’m so keen to prove I can manage independently, when there are obvious indicators that I struggle.
What should I do with this Knowledge of diagnosis?
Am I a success as an independent Aspie Adult or a failure? I’m pretty sure I don’t get things wrong all the time, but does make me a Success?
Should I be asking others for help with my life or should I carry on as I always have?
I value my independence, but as the realization dawns that there are some major issues to my independent living, I have to question. How do other independent Aspies live?
Do they have enablers in their life?
Are they reliant on others for assistance in the realms they find difficult?
Or do they relinquish all responsibility to others?
Am I expecting too much of myself and my children to consider holding down a job or wanting to contribute to society? Surely it’s important to have a purpose?
As the roller coaster of life rolls on, I feel I have more questions than answers!
Feeling really lost just now and somewhat like a rabbit in the headlights.
I’ve spent most of my life caring for others, yet I can barely care for myself…………
Thank you for your posts. I apreciate it.
Sorry for being so down in my earlier post. Clearly, it's been a difficult time for me of late and that's taken it's toll, but I'm not sure this is about a control issue for me or not wanting to let go. I think it's about my inability to find the right enablers to make life easier. My overwhelmed state has made me realise I need help now, at this point in time, but I have managed before. The problem is, their are so many barriers to every option you seek.
My premise with the boys has always been that they need to aquire and learn as many independance and social skills as they can, so that the dependancy on others is kept to a minimum, I believe this is the right path, but I'm also aware that they will always need support with their independant living.
Currently, many of those with the same level of need as my boys are being let down by the system and suffering deeply because if it. I'm anxcious for them not to become victims of societies failures.
On occassion you realise the enormity of everything and that their limitations are considerably greater than yours and you realise the support necessary just doesn't exist beyond the home/family and that sadens me.
YES, have no experence with self-employment. ATW don't understand Autism or recognise the level of need. The list goes on!
That void leaves you trying to balance everything and you become weary.
Like most carers, my history of having to care for others has been very much about the circumstances in life I've been left with, not a desire or career choice. My mum became ill and in the absence of support I had to look after my younger brother. My mum then died and as the only female in the family, I looked after my physically disabled Grandmother, whilst simultainiously looking after my boys, It's just how life has panned out for me.
My Grandmother cared for me in my youth and her own mother, so perhaps that's where I got the understanding that this is what you do if you are faced with someone in need. You don't abandon them or stick them in a home somewhere, you enable them to continue to live independently if that's their wish or to care for their well-being if that's their need.
From what I've read in the past and come to understand more recently, many carers are deeply underappreciated and even viewed with suspicion in some cases. That needs to change and is a damming indictment of how those who sacrifice their lives for others through circimstance, are treated by todays society.
When carers are stretched to breaking point because of societies inability to support a disabled persons basic rights, the cracks begin to show.
I'm no Florence Nightingale, trust me, but It sadens me the way those who care for, or try to enable others on the Spectrum, are viewed and that if you try to enable, it's often interpreted as a need for control.
It is a disability, but those who suffer with it are human-beings with desires, wants and dreams, just like anyone else. Stiking the correct balance in support is where the difficulty lies.
I know my boys wouldn't cope with unsupported work and the fact that i'm getting older, may spell the end of their ability to access work. I guess I don't want my absence in theri lives in the future, to take away what little independance they've come to experience or the skills they have to contribute.
Increasingly, I coming to relise how much we take on and how misunderstood we are and about not letting them down,