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Woman rediscovering identity

belles12345

I am new to the forum.  I have semi-self-diagnosed (won't go into detail here, awaiting NHS assessment).  Whatever the outcome of the assessment, I have found that I identify with a lot of ASC traits and the advice/literature available for people with ASC has been very beneficial for me. So here goes...

As an adult woman, I am discovering that I have spent a lot of time and energy trying to be accepted by others and to please them.  As a result (via counselling) I am aware that I have become passive and am rarely off-guard around most people.  Has anyone else felt like this?  I am starting to know myself more now and trying to become more natural and true to myself when communicating.  I wonder if anyone has any tips on how to rediscover identity as an adult woman.  Not sure if this is clear but thank you in advance.

Parents

  • Hi Belles12345,

    I'm a bit of a newcomer (I only made one post then forgot the forum was here), but I'm in a similar situation to you. Without a diagnosis, I've been trying to find my sense of identity for some time. There's surprisingly little written about the subject. 

    What I'm personally trying to do is get to know myself better by working out what my natural behaviour is like, and my natural reaction to situations. I think that can tell you more about your own natural personality, rather than trying to identify with a stereotyped role like 'mother' or 'teacher'.

    So if I feel nervous in a situation, or feel like I'm on my guard, I'll spend some time later thinking about the situation, and try to remember what I was thinking and how I felt.

    Like today, I had a conversation with someone, which was difficult, because I had to work out when to make eye contact, and I had to keep trying to think of new things to talk about. When I thought about it later, I realised I had been looking at and thinking about the colour of her eyeshadow and her jacket all the time. That might not have been a good thing to talk about in the conversation, but it tells me I'm perceptive about colours, or interested in the use of colour. 

    I don't see myself as a fashion designer or a makeup artist, but it did tell me a little bit about my own natural personality, and how I have creative tendencies.

    I eventually hope I will find out enough about myself to form a kind of identity.

    Does this help at all?

Reply

  • Hi Belles12345,

    I'm a bit of a newcomer (I only made one post then forgot the forum was here), but I'm in a similar situation to you. Without a diagnosis, I've been trying to find my sense of identity for some time. There's surprisingly little written about the subject. 

    What I'm personally trying to do is get to know myself better by working out what my natural behaviour is like, and my natural reaction to situations. I think that can tell you more about your own natural personality, rather than trying to identify with a stereotyped role like 'mother' or 'teacher'.

    So if I feel nervous in a situation, or feel like I'm on my guard, I'll spend some time later thinking about the situation, and try to remember what I was thinking and how I felt.

    Like today, I had a conversation with someone, which was difficult, because I had to work out when to make eye contact, and I had to keep trying to think of new things to talk about. When I thought about it later, I realised I had been looking at and thinking about the colour of her eyeshadow and her jacket all the time. That might not have been a good thing to talk about in the conversation, but it tells me I'm perceptive about colours, or interested in the use of colour. 

    I don't see myself as a fashion designer or a makeup artist, but it did tell me a little bit about my own natural personality, and how I have creative tendencies.

    I eventually hope I will find out enough about myself to form a kind of identity.

    Does this help at all?

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