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'My sons looking at independent living, who should I ask for help?'

Coogybear

Came home from a morning appointment to find my son had neglected to eat, both last night and this morning.

He's talking about living independantly, (although it's more disscussion right now) but I'm not sure he will cope without help. He has little realization in what's involved, he cannot pay bills himself, budget, remember to take meds, remember to eat and has difficulty getting himself up, etc etc. He's still quite young, so i'm not sure if he's entittled to help and if so, who to ask.

This is a newly contemplated phase of his life for us and not one we've experience in.

Any suggestions or guidence?

  • Hi, thanks.

     I've no intention of stOppoing him from trying, however it's clear he cannot manage.

    Aside of my own children, I have a brother with ASD (Undiagnosed.) who's heavily reliant on me to feed him and help him manage daily maintainance etc. So i'm all too aware of how individuals can come unstuck with independant living, yet I'm hoping to find some support for my son who does have diagnosed needs.

    The truth is, I've always been fiercly independant and my brief brush with any services at 'child services' level has been very dissappointing. Funds cut, staff leaving without handover or provision, so my son is left feeling abandonded.

    I've also heard loads of horror stories re Adult Social Services and I'm not confident in their ability to provide for him without also compromising him in some way.

    Being independant and doing everything myself has left me exhausted, but also gives the impression he can manage, which is counter productive. Additionally, I'm struggling to manage myself and important things are slipping to the bottom of the pile or being neglected because of the level of care/direction he and his brother need. So something has to give.

    I think independant living would be best. I'm not sure he would accept supported living put it that way, but bills etc would have to be managed by someone else.

    What to do? :(

  • Hi - does he definitely want to be in Independent Living or wd he consider Independent Supported Living (there are various models which encompass various amounts of support)

  • Past experience suggests to me, to go along with it to the extent of letting him find somewhere, and also work out how he would pay the rent and support himself. He may surprise you. If he can do all that, maybe he is more ready than he appears.

    If you try and talk him out of it, he may be offended that you think he cannot mannage or resentful that you are standing in his way. Practicality of financing it and feeding himself, may put him off, without you having to say a discouraging word.

  • Don't have any answers, but am interested to hear what others say. It hasn't cropped up for us yet, except in the context of coping at university (see my ver recent post 'coping at university' under education) but will do one of these years, fairly soon.