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To some extent, he is just being a typical teenager. All teens are bolshy, argumentative, and push their boundaries. I used to argue with my two at that age. You have to let some things go. They are budding adults who want to make their own decissions. This means they are not easy to live with.
I had a few limits that could not be crossed under any circumstances, but after that I ignored a lot.
However, this is down to personalities and the mood of the moment. Unless you are some kind of a saint, he is going to get to you, and sometimes, you will react.
I am inclined to think that this is educational for your son. If he realises that people get annoyed and angry, he will learn not to do it. If he annoys you, and you get angry, he will learn that his behaviour has effects and he can then sort it out and recover the situation later. He may need to learn to recognise this situation. It is not always obvious to people with asd, where they are going wrong. You may need to explain in more detail, why you were annoyed. If he has to learn this away from home, then his relationships with in the outside world can get permanently damaged. I suppose the key is to find that moment when he becomes unreasonable, and refuse to actually let the situation develop into a general row, and walk away, saying we must discuss this later when WE are all calmer. If only human beings were good at this, then the world would be a happier place, but we are human and it is hard to achieve.
Good luck
It's a shame that you couldn't avoid arguing with him, but I don't think it would have been fair to his brother if you'd done nothing. You can still talk about it with him when he's calm. You can't be perfect all the time!
Maybe he doesn't even notice he leaves the cereal out too when his mind is on other things. If so maybe you could talk to him about being sympathetic if his brother has his mind on other things and forgets.
Hi, I think you need to look on this sort of situation from a different angle. He is suffering from anxiety, probably especially relating to school + bullying. How would you feel if you were in his shoes. He's probably had to cope with this his whole school life. Now he's on the road to a diagnosis - how does he feel about that? Does he understand about autism. I've learn to be patient. For some of us it doesn't come naturally but it does get easier over the yrs + it does help because it doesn't "add fuel to the fire". Also it's about being perceptive, spotting when something might escalate before it does so + diverting things by distraction or similar. I try to put myself (as much as I can as a non-autistic person) in my sons shoes. So it's learning about how autism + how it affects him as an individual. Has he sensory issues - noises, taste, touch, smell etc? Everybody needs to be on board at home so everyone needs to learn + understand. I know all this can seem like a big ask when everyone's busy + trying to get on with their lives. But it truly will help + then you'll all benefit. Check things out via the home pg + the posts for other mentions of this subject. There may be a parents group in your area - info via the home pg.
