does it sound like my dad has aspergers? he won't admit it

yellow sunflower said:

I am a girl, and so am not offended by the trivialities of television. 

LOL I am a girl and am constantly offended by the trivialities of television. I frequently point these out too, but consider it to be humorous rather than negative. Maybe that's where I'm going wrong 

I totally agree about the negativity. I hate it, if when I am in a good mood, someone in close proximity is pesimistic, bad tempered and spoiling things for everyone else.

We all have our off days, when we get like that, but I think those are the times when we need to be alone, and as you say, doing something which holds our interest and helps us unwind.

Do you have a private space to retreat to at such times? I find thet nothing calms me down quite like being on my own and doing something I enjoy.

Christmas brings out the tensions in the best of families. Too much stressful, busy, busy preparation, so that by the time everyone gathers together, they are unable to turn off and relax.

I thought years ago, he may have dysprxia and suggested it. He said even if he did, he hates change and so wouldn't want to do anything about it. Then my Dr said i was on the aspergers spectrum, and i knew it was genetic and thought more bits fitted with my dad. i also have adult ADHD, and bits of that fit with him too. He thinks if he got diagnosed, he would have to start loving people and being all sociable, i think. He hates people and everything is existential/deep. which can be exhausting for me. I am a girl, and so am not offended by the trivialities of television. 

I live in a small house, so it's very hard to avoid his negativity e.t.c, especially as christmas is meant to bring families together. He can be very kind and supportive and the nicest dad. But sometimes swings from empathy/ to lack of empathy and is very tough on me. I end up being majorly tense/have meltdowns/and exhaustion. If he won't go for a diagnosis, i need to find ways of how to cope/ways to help him cope when he is being like this as it ruins me and times when i'm meant to be relaxing. He seems to have the need to be hard on himself and won't relax/do his hobbies and drinks a bit of whisky for a quick relax. he is a mixture i think of aspergers and adult ADHD, as he can be really funny/ reckless for want of a better word.

yellow sunflower said:

I told him to go to his dr for a diagnosis.

But if he's an obstinate old aspie then that approach will just hit a brick wall. He won't be told to do anything unless he is persuaded and convinced that it is the best thing to do.

Does he think that he has a problem?

My Dad was just the same. He also wanted everything his own way, and I always thought that he never accepted that I was an adult, entitled to my own opinions etc. He always forced me to eat the fat on meat, as a child, and I find it repulsive in texture and taste. I vowed after I left home, never to eat the fat on meat again, and modern thinking that it is healthier to cut off visible fat, made this socially acceptable, to everyone except my Dad and others of his generation.

I don't think that diagnosis is likely. The gp will probably think there is no gain in spending part of their budget in getting a diagnosis for someone who probably needs no particular help.

He sounds quite like my dad. I am on the waiting list for diagnosis, have not told him as I think he will just pooh pooh the whole concept, as my mother did when I said I was thinking of it. If I get a diagnosis and suggest he might also be affected he would probably see it as me having the "problem" not him. 

I am fascinated by psychology but he seems completely uninterested in his own or other people's feelings or motivations, and I guess part of this is his generation (he is quite elderly)

It may be the idea of anything official/medical that is putting your dad off, rather than the idea that he may also have AS. Instead of the GP, maybe you could suggest some online tests? 

http://aspietests.org