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Hi..newbie and need advice?

davmac

Hi , my name is david and I would like to know if you can help me? I have now been diagnosed as autistc  I have been working for a charity as an advisor. I spoke to my boss on Thursday night about something that I felt was important about one of our clients who I met outside of work, but I called her at home. She was very rude and when I got to work the next morning was called into the office. She told me that 'I had gone so far beyond the line that I didn't even know where the line was'. She knows about my condition and says that she totally gets me but that she is 'not my counsellor, friend or my mum....I am your boss!' . She told me that I was selfish and that when I have something that I feel is important I don't care about other people. This is not the case, when I have things in my head that I can't get rid of it is like a pressure cooker and I then explode, usually at the end of the day. She offered two options, either I could return my keys and leave or I could stay and work within her strict boundaries. I feel very upset and confused and don't know what to do? I don't want to go out anymore or speak to anyone in case I cross boundaries that I shouldn't be and upset someone? I have no support network or anyone to contact to address my concerns ...David Undecided

 


Parents

  • I suspect your boss doesn't want to be the boss outside working hours. She doesn't want to take workdays home with her. She may have had friends round or a lover. She may have been watching her favourite TV show when you rang. She could have been having a row with her partner. She may have just cooked dinner, and now it is going cold and unpalatable while you go on about something she doesn't want to know.

    I wouldn't recommend the wine and dine option that has been suggested above. That only applies to people with whom you are socially involved, and clearly she wants you to work with her only in the workplace context.

    The autistic spectrum makes you worry a lot, and makes it hard to create boundaries. You probably have a strong urge to unburden onto others, in order to get reassurance and direction.

    However NTs don't like this. They expect you to resolve your issues and deliver the work as they require it. They want to deputise work to someone who handles and completes the task independently.

    Whatever other boundaries she may have specified, the clear one is that her life outside the workplace is sacrosanct, and if you see her in the street outside work, you just say hi, and don't mention work unless she asks, which she probably wont.

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  • I suspect your boss doesn't want to be the boss outside working hours. She doesn't want to take workdays home with her. She may have had friends round or a lover. She may have been watching her favourite TV show when you rang. She could have been having a row with her partner. She may have just cooked dinner, and now it is going cold and unpalatable while you go on about something she doesn't want to know.

    I wouldn't recommend the wine and dine option that has been suggested above. That only applies to people with whom you are socially involved, and clearly she wants you to work with her only in the workplace context.

    The autistic spectrum makes you worry a lot, and makes it hard to create boundaries. You probably have a strong urge to unburden onto others, in order to get reassurance and direction.

    However NTs don't like this. They expect you to resolve your issues and deliver the work as they require it. They want to deputise work to someone who handles and completes the task independently.

    Whatever other boundaries she may have specified, the clear one is that her life outside the workplace is sacrosanct, and if you see her in the street outside work, you just say hi, and don't mention work unless she asks, which she probably wont.

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