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New and Confused

November

Hi

 

Im not sure if I should be posting this here so apologies if Im in the wrong place.

 

I am becoming more concerned about my 3 year old's behaviour and I dont know if its something or nothing. My husband is dismissive of any concerns I have and when I have tentatively raised it to my parents before I could tell they think I am looking for a problem. I therefore feel very alone with these worries and have no-one to talk to.

 

She has always been different to my other 2 in terms of behaviour and has some obvious sensory issues, she cant wear certain clothes and cant stand getting water (even just a drop) on her clothes or she will have a total meltdown. She prefers to be naked and I spend most of the day convincing her to put her clothes back on. She even stripped off in the middle of the doctors surgery waiting room last week. I guess clothes just annoy her? I thought the water thing might be getting better but its come back with avengence the past couple of weeks and she is becoming more distressed by it. Last night she was upstairs and I kept hearing this funny noise, I went up to see what she was doing (was supposed to be in bed), she had found my metal bangle and was dropping it from as high as she could reach over and over again on the tiled floor. I guess she liked the noise but still it got my thinking should I be putting this down to just normal toddler stuff or not? She is very socially confident, sometimes almost uncomfortably so if that makes sense. She talks a lot and speaks well. Last week we were out and she stopped to chat to a group of 3 adults to tell them about her t-shirt and what her favourite colours were. I could tell they were a bit taken aback at how bold she was and it was a struggle to get her to carry on walking. She seems to just say what she is thinking about and doesnt care who she says it to. But then again, she is 3 so I dont know. The other thing is that for most of the day she has a small hard toy in her hand, during the summer it was a little plastic doll which she didnt play with but just had to hold the whole time (and I mean the whole time). At the moment its a little turtle toy, again, she doesnt play with it just holds it all day. When I do drawing with her the people always have to have sad faces which makes me worry. We are a happy, loving family and I would very much like to think give our kids a lot of security, emotional and otherwise.

 

Thank you so much in advance for any kind of advice you can give me.

 

 

 

 

  • Yes, I think there may be an Autism issue here, but the presentation is quite atypical and this may well complicate the diagnosis process. Its more common to see social avoidance in AS persons, but I can see how innappropriate extrovertion can grow out of the triad (no imagination of potential threat from strangers, no perception of barrier signals, no understanding of social norms).

    The rest of what you describe however is strongly suggestive of ASV particularily the nudism, which is a sensory issue (there is a thread on this here, it doesnt go into any analytical detail, but demonstrates the issue can be a function of AS). The totemistic use of toys is also fairly common, I have a cricket ball either in my hands or in my pocket basically all the time. The repetitive bangle dropping also seems like an AS behaviour, but in isolation is insufficient...keep an eye out for other repetitive behaviour.

    As to the drawing of sad faces, it is hard enough for a full grown aspie such as myself to differentiate, let alone a 3yo between sad and worried (I'm maybe 75ish% accurate after 30 years of practice and certainly couldn't draw the difference.) It seems likely that she is drawing the worry her differences cause you, but good news: there is no reason to worry; given love and understanding there is every chance she will continue to be a happy and healthy aspie!   

  • Avoiding eye contact is the most well known of AS traits, but is not always present and can manifest later. Gaze aversion is an attempt to avoid social engagement and your child is yet to be taught to fear and hate social interaction so it is not surprising that she makes good eye contact. 

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    I support what outraged and dcrystal have said here.

    I think you really need to start laying the foundations for her happy childhood. You need to be unreasonably fair, reasonable and consistent with her. You will have to teach her some things, like who strangers are, and put much more effort into this than you would for a non-autistic child. Try really, really hard not to lose your cool and try and back up your instruction with logical reasons WHY she should do X or not do Y. If you need to stop her doing something then be calm but firm and quietly remove her from the situation to a quieter, less stimulating place.

    You sound as though this will all sound reasonable and unsurprising but a lot of children are brought up by parents who believe in strict discipline and physical punishment. An autistic child is likely to be baffled and angered by arbitrary acts that are not backed up with any justification. Positive parenting, is just "best practice" for any child but will actually make the difference between a smart and intelligent young person and a broken and distraught autistic person.

  • Thank you both for your replys.

    Crystal12 - we have moved overseas and where we are there is not much understanding of ASV, it is getting there but a long way behind the UK. Health visitors do not exist here. I have finally found a good GP though so do you think its worth speaking to him yet or should I wait until shes nearer 4? There is a strong tendancy to over-diagnose here, e.g. go to the doctors with a minor ailment and you will almost certainly be prescribed at least 3 different medications including antibiotics.

    Outraged - thank you for taking the time to write what you did, I found it very interesting as well as helpful.

    My daughter has good eye contact (apart from when taking a photo) and is very loving, she enjoys a cuddle much more than my other 2 kids. She is also known to throw herself at people shes only just met for a cuddle. The eye contact/physical contact thing goes against what I have so far read about Autism (I realise that is not much). Just curious on your thoughts on this? She does however get very upset when her younger brother gets in her personal space, he is usually trying to play fight with her or jumping on her or generally being quite physical which she just cant stand and gets very distressed and angry. My eldest will happily roll around on the floor with him and its interesting that although she enjoys to watch them she will never join in and either just stand well back and watch or take herself off and play on her own which she has always enjoyed doing.

  • Hi - have you a health visitor or other professional person who would be ok about referring your daughter or suggesting to you + your family that she be referred?  I ask this because sometimes family/friends etc are reluctant about it, preferring to ignore things. However, some people will agree with a referral if they know it comes from a professional.   This is not to say that your daughter is autistic.  Whilst some of the things you mention cd be deemed autistic behaviour, none of us on here can say she has autism.  But....you are concerned.  I don't think that concern will fade unless you have her assessed.  If she isn't autistic then you'll know.  If she is, then you were correct in the 1st place + can seek the support she will need, esp when she goes to school.  Early intervention is important to her development so whilst I do appreciate how difficult your situation is, I think you need to find a way fwd.  Also we're always here to listen, advise etc Smile.  Good luck.