how do i make and keep friends???

Hi Davek, I'm well. Glad to hear things have improved a lot.

I guess I was lucky - two things help me - I can write well and I got onto committees early

I'm very fortunate not having dyslexia, so many people on the spectrum have dyslexia as well. So I learned to be good at written communication, even if I couldn't back up the effect in person.

From quite early on I got involved in committees. As long as they are properly run, people speaking via the chairperson, I'm OK; noisy committees with lots of raised voices adversely affect me. But being involved in all kinds of committees has given me a better understanding of the patter needed to make small talk. I've just had to get some expected phrases into my head to remember to use them at the right moment. I'm still very vulnerable if things don't go the expected way.

Committees come up everywhere there is a society or organisation, and are used by NTs to govern procedure and good practice. I've just learned to shine at doing them, including chairing them. NTs aren't keen on committees so an aspie can find a role in them.

The thing not to do is try and give people a biography of yourself. That's hard to avoid. Ask about the other person (s). You'll usually find they say little. Most of social conversation is inanely pointless. NTs constantly seek reassurance about the other people around them and they use small talk to gauge whether others are friends or foes. Are they going to be supportive or undermine them?

Your autistic spectrum difficulties will probably be spotted, and while they may classify you unfairly, they will probably make allowances and not get too upset if your conversation isn't quite what they would normally expect.

There is a greater danger if you are milder end autism, passable for NT most of the time, because if you only periodically do odd things they tend to react to individual instances, get suspicious that you are trying to disrespect or insult them and go on the defensive.

Hence what health professionals often misunderstand about abler end autism - if you mostly appear OK they assume there is no problem. In fact, if NTs read occasional slip ups they can be very hostile and this makes things very much harder for milder end aspies. They are worse affected by social interaction than if they were more obviously on the spectrum.

Hi Davek, I'm well. Glad to hear things have improved a lot.

I guess I was lucky - two things help me - I can write well and I got onto committees early

I'm very fortunate not having dyslexia, so many people on the spectrum have dyslexia as well. So I learned to be good at written communication, even if I couldn't back up the effect in person.

From quite early on I got involved in committees. As long as they are properly run, people speaking via the chairperson, I'm OK; noisy committees with lots of raised voices adversely affect me. But being involved in all kinds of committees has given me a better understanding of the patter needed to make small talk. I've just had to get some expected phrases into my head to remember to use them at the right moment. I'm still very vulnerable if things don't go the expected way.

Committees come up everywhere there is a society or organisation, and are used by NTs to govern procedure and good practice. I've just learned to shine at doing them, including chairing them. NTs aren't keen on committees so an aspie can find a role in them.

The thing not to do is try and give people a biography of yourself. That's hard to avoid. Ask about the other person (s). You'll usually find they say little. Most of social conversation is inanely pointless. NTs constantly seek reassurance about the other people around them and they use small talk to gauge whether others are friends or foes. Are they going to be supportive or undermine them?

Your autistic spectrum difficulties will probably be spotted, and while they may classify you unfairly, they will probably make allowances and not get too upset if your conversation isn't quite what they would normally expect.

There is a greater danger if you are milder end autism, passable for NT most of the time, because if you only periodically do odd things they tend to react to individual instances, get suspicious that you are trying to disrespect or insult them and go on the defensive.

Hence what health professionals often misunderstand about abler end autism - if you mostly appear OK they assume there is no problem. In fact, if NTs read occasional slip ups they can be very hostile and this makes things very much harder for milder end aspies. They are worse affected by social interaction than if they were more obviously on the spectrum.