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Is a stable relationship even possible?

tellan42

Hi, I'm 36 Years old, I think I have Aspergers. I have most/some of the symptoms but was never diognosed. Seem like i have only the negativ stuff not the gifts. Because of why I'm writing here.. I had a relationship lately ended. She was really in love with me and very crushed when i ended it. I never said it to here. The relationship took about 4 Months , i think. It was nice, but i knew it was not the real thing for me, but i waited and wanted to see if it works afterall. Unfortunately not. I hurt here pretty badly with my ending and I really couldn't say why i've done it. I just stand there and stared at her. I was frozen in this Situation. I didnt could tell her all the details that were brothering me from here. I was just thinking all the time, when she was yelling at me "Get out of here, just leave". After she was finished yelling and crying, she was gone. Now Im really broke down, not because of that she is gone. Because of that I hurt her so much and I couldnt see that I was doing it to her. I want a relationship, but ist not easy. All the time to hold back with yout "ticks", trying to accept the bothering details of the other person. "Do" what you are obligated to do in a relationship.... I mean i like the propinquity in a relationship, if its not overbearing for me. Maybe I have to find "The One". I dont know.

With regards

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  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Laddo, can I ask whether you are in a steady sustainable relationship? I'm really not trying to score points but I'm interested whether your opinions come from experience or from idealism. It came across that you were saying that the partner has to love you in a raw, "my way or the highway" manner. Perhaps I misunderstood? Yes, you have to be able to "be yourself" but you also have to do things in exchange for the other person who has to cope with your idiosyncracies. If it works well then the other person has no illusions about what you are capable of but you also need self awareness about your impact on the other party. Tellan could see how he did not anticipate the reaction when he broke it off - this is classic autistic poor social imagination. There will be other behaviours where he is unaware of his impact. You don't necessarily have to anticipate everyones reactions but you have to be aware that your actions affect people in ways that you don't anticipate.

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  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Laddo, can I ask whether you are in a steady sustainable relationship? I'm really not trying to score points but I'm interested whether your opinions come from experience or from idealism. It came across that you were saying that the partner has to love you in a raw, "my way or the highway" manner. Perhaps I misunderstood? Yes, you have to be able to "be yourself" but you also have to do things in exchange for the other person who has to cope with your idiosyncracies. If it works well then the other person has no illusions about what you are capable of but you also need self awareness about your impact on the other party. Tellan could see how he did not anticipate the reaction when he broke it off - this is classic autistic poor social imagination. There will be other behaviours where he is unaware of his impact. You don't necessarily have to anticipate everyones reactions but you have to be aware that your actions affect people in ways that you don't anticipate.

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