Stress & Finding a Job

Yes, Ive been advised to look for part time only, probably up to about 20 hours, which Im currently looking for.

With regards to driving lessons, before I was ever diagnosed with Aspergers (and having failed my test twice) I took an intensive course ( I think it was about 1997).  I changed my driving instructor and took an intensive course, where I drove 25 hours over one week, probably 5 hours a day split into morning and afternoon and took my test at the start of the next week.

I know these can be a big one off expense but I passed.  I had a teacher who although was older than me was not that much older than me 

I had prevoiusly failed  twice before that.  But I passed.  I think I was 23 at the time.

Yes, this is a bit of a hijack but I want the OP to see opportunites as well as problems.

OK, I should have said "kindle a dream" rather than "rekindle a dream".

I haven't said kindle a dream of being "normal" or the same as everyone else. I think you should kindle a dream of being "you". Autism does close doors and takes things away and it does reduce our ability to do some of the things that a lot of people take for granted. I don't think it really adds anything obvious, life is harder work for us than other people.

But, autism doesn't destroy you, it hasn't obliterated every skill and talent that you have. Your writing is very clear and expressive, you are not intellectually disabled, you have all of your senses even if some of them are over sensitive.

I suspect you can be obsessive. Another word for this is dogged and persistent. This is a talent that can be useful in some jobs. Attention to detail is listed as a requirement on lots of job ads.

I suspect that you are sensitive and caring.

I suspect that you are honest and straightforward.

I suspect that you think about things a lot.

These are not exceptional talents that make us special or savant like or anything but they can be channeled into a fulfilling and satisfactory life where you can achieve things.

For me, one of the tricks is to recognise that these traits make you suited to some roles more than others. Some roles are completely unsuitable for someone with ASD but other roles are particularly suitable. Many people can cope with doing lots of different jobs but we are harder to place in a suitable role. Don't try and force yourself uncomfortably into a role that doesn't suit. Don't try and make a square peg fit in a round hole.

In the OP's case, I simply don't know whether retail is a good role for all people with ASD - I suspect that it can work if you recognise where your limitations are and if you don't have a burning desire to be a people manager. Good sales people can use the talents I have listed above. If you are straightforward and the customer feels that they can trust you then they will like to deal with you. If you are thoughtful and can consider lots of different ways that they can use your products then this is good. I imagine that a retail renvironment that might be better for ASD would be a quiet shop without loud music, where you would not be on your own but would have colleagues to help you when you get stuck, where your boss values your integrity and honesty, where your boss is not a mean and critical control freak.

I'm sorry that I'm about to hijack the OP's thread, but recombinantsocks, I NEVER had a dream of being content and at ease, I was suicidal at 11 years old and have been depressed ever since, but there used to be a tiny flame of hope that one day it would be different. I no longer believe that. The more I've struggled the more I've realised it is impossible. There are no positive facits to my being autistic. I don't have any degree of savantism or any intellectual part of ASD that might be useable in a work situation. There's just me wallowing in a pit of quicksand. 

I think it is really bad if someone writes off a person because of their prejudices about the person or their abilities. We can deal with this by being angry or by educating the prejudiced person about the error of their ways.

It is tragic if someone takes the same attitude about themselves by applying their prejudices to their own situation. I use the word tragic in the sense of a greek or Shakespearean tragedy wherein the actors are condemned to their fate by an accident of thought or misconception or prejudice.

Pandoren, you are writing, and playing out, your own tragedy! You are writing yourself off as having no future and no hope because you can't see another ending. You are using the diagnosis as confirmation that you are a lost cause.

Other endings are available. It is possible to use the diagnosis as a key to unlock the possible rather than to reaffirm the impossible. Yes, this condition is for life but it does not have to be a life sentence.

I have mentioned before a book that I have been using to help me deal with my diagnosis. Living Well on the Spectrum by Valeris Gaus has the subtitle "How to use your strengths to meet the challenges of Asperger Syndrom/HFA". I think this is a really useful book that concentrates on understanding how we are different and then working out what we can do with our condition.

The book does not dwell on stress or depression or failure because we don't need reminding of that but we do need some guidance and direction about working out what we can do.

Please can you imagine that you will, one day, be able to escape the dark place that you are in now? Your post was permeated with depressive thoughts and I really do understand this as I have been there myself. I know how hard it is to believe that it is possible to escape from the darkness and how difficult it is to recognise your own strengths and abilities when all you can think of is the sheer hopelessness of the situation. Can you please try and rekindle a dream of being content and at ease with the world and your differences?

I fully sympathise. Sometimes I sort of wish I could just run away somewhere to the middle of nowhere and never have to work, unfortunately life doesn't work like that :( The thought of a job made me feel so stressed and avoidant... so horrible. I've only now got my first job at the age of 26 (part time though) and I had hoped that getting a job would make me feel more accomplished but it actually doesn't, I still feel depressed. At least now I'm getting paid while feeling depressed... I know I'm unlikely to keep this job as well.

I'm also having troubles with driving lessons... just the feeling of trying to drag yourself towards something when you really really don't want to, and knowing you might spend your whole life feeling like that. I think that being diagnosed with Asperger's ruined every dream I had in life. Before, I was just "socially awkward" and I thought that might be changable, but now I know it isn't, all of my dreams have died. That includes actually getting and holding down a job.

I'm sorry but my last post might not have come across very well. I hope that you had a better interview today.

My impression from your reaction to yesterday's interview was that it might be that you aren't really ready to go back to work. However I think you should assume that you can beat stress by understanding how Asperger's affects you.

Let us know how today's interview goes.

Your reaction isn't that surprising given what happened to you the last time you were at work. You really don't want to go through that mill again so your body is reacting badly.

Has the diagnosis helped to make sense of why you ended up getting so stressed in your last job? Do you feel that you can use your understanding to handle some situations better?