Weighty Relationships?

I have heard of this before, putting on weight in a relationship, but that was only with non autistic people. I just Googled and apparently it's a well know phenomena, due to mirroring your partners eating/portion sizes/frequency, etc. Dinning out more, getting more comfortable with your partner, lots of time sitting watching movies and tv and going out less and feeling secure lowers cortisol. However TheCatWoman, it sounds like you experiance the opposite? It's interesting that you say you feel invaded in some way. I''ve been single for over 20 years and can quite imagine feeling this way too with someone else so emeshed in my life. I've never got those couples that are always touching each other, it would drive me insane!  

Did the study you saw include ND's as many don't or don't say.

I'm a big person with a good appetite and I wouldn't say I eat out or sit about any more or less in a relationship than out of one.

I think I've felt invaded because of the amount of emotional labour that goes into being a woman in a hetrosexual relationship, it's like guys who could manage their social lives and xmas and birthdays suddenly stop being able to do so once a woman enters their lives. Then there's having to increasingly manage their emotional state as the relationship lengthens, it's like I'm having to feel for them and deal with the consequense's of their feelings and give it back to them in a neat package. I've also found with men of my generation, not only do they expect this emotional labour, but they expect to be making all the choices and when I'm presented with options by them and choose the "wrong one", then a massive sulk ensues. I mean why not just ask me if I fancy going to such a such a place rather than make it an empty choice?

TheCatWoman said:

it's like guys who could manage their social lives and xmas and birthdays suddenly stop being able to do so once a woman enters their lives.

I'm in the relatively early stages of a new relationship now (about 1 year in) and am experiencing some of this first hand.

My experience is that when you are single you can do the things you want, when you want and are free to regulate much better, but when there is a ND partner there then they have their own needs, wants and opinions and suddenly what had been a simple thing to manage (eg deciding what to eat on the weekend) becomes a whole discussion about what is nice to do together, what is good for the diet, what to try so we can both have different dishes to try a wider range of the menu, should we drink or not, do we need to worry about having garlic breath the next day, should we invite someone along, where shall we go after and so on.

While before I knew what I like and would almost always order if if I was going out to eat, now there are so many things to think about, so many compromises and so much extra pressure that it seems inevitable that comfort eating will occur.

It isn't just a male thing - I have to do all the planning, organising, logistics and preparation to make it happen, plus have to pay of course.

I still have to do all the things you talk about but incorporate my parters needs and wants into all of it as well, and after almost a year this is starting to get a bit more pushy (this was always the experience in previous long term relationships).

Having a partner willing to take up this slack seems to be the trigger for the ND partner to sit back and let out over active minds take care of everything.

TheCatWoman said:

it's like guys who could manage their social lives and xmas and birthdays suddenly stop being able to do so once a woman enters their lives.

I'm in the relatively early stages of a new relationship now (about 1 year in) and am experiencing some of this first hand.

My experience is that when you are single you can do the things you want, when you want and are free to regulate much better, but when there is a ND partner there then they have their own needs, wants and opinions and suddenly what had been a simple thing to manage (eg deciding what to eat on the weekend) becomes a whole discussion about what is nice to do together, what is good for the diet, what to try so we can both have different dishes to try a wider range of the menu, should we drink or not, do we need to worry about having garlic breath the next day, should we invite someone along, where shall we go after and so on.

While before I knew what I like and would almost always order if if I was going out to eat, now there are so many things to think about, so many compromises and so much extra pressure that it seems inevitable that comfort eating will occur.

It isn't just a male thing - I have to do all the planning, organising, logistics and preparation to make it happen, plus have to pay of course.

I still have to do all the things you talk about but incorporate my parters needs and wants into all of it as well, and after almost a year this is starting to get a bit more pushy (this was always the experience in previous long term relationships).

Having a partner willing to take up this slack seems to be the trigger for the ND partner to sit back and let out over active minds take care of everything.