Hidden identities

So if you really are interested in opening up more about your private life to other Autistics online, we do have direct messaging on this forum. I’ve heard the mods have the ability to monitor DMs, but they’re unlikely to unless a user were to allege misuse of the service (such as someone harassing you through messages). Doing that would allow you to be “fully yourself,” yet also a bit safer.

However again, even though it’s been proven there are wonderful, empathetic people on this forum, even among Autists there are horrible human beings. You are making a risk sharing personal information even with someone via private chats if you do not absolutely know who they are.

For all you know, I could be a hacker that is posing as an innocent Autist to target vulnerable folk for identity theft. Yeah, my bio says I’m a 35 year old former professor in America, but do I have to tell the truth about that?

profdanger said:

However again, even though it’s been proven there are wonderful, empathetic people on this forum, even among Autists there are horrible human beings. You are making a risk sharing personal information even with someone via private chats if you do not absolutely know who they are.

That can take its toll too.

When I was previously here I had friends and the conversations would at times make me very anxious indeed.

Some of the occurrences whilst having friends here include self-harm and death.

Also, I found it hard to always be available for others no matter how much I cared.

I think now that having friendships on the forum is a very big decision to make and one that I've decided against because of previous experiences.

Much of the sadness will always be with me as will some of the joy.

ps. I would never leave my PMs open to everyone (ie I would only open them up to friends), as I know of one person who did that and was besieged by abuse.

B said:

Also, I found it hard to always be available for others no matter how much I cared.

Oh yeah, that in particular is something I struggle with. When I first jumped onto this forum I adamantly attempted to assist someone who seemed to be in suicidal distress, since I’ve got lots of experience with that. Unfortunately it lead to me just being anxious that they would message me at some weird time of day (especially since I’m in a radically different time zone) and I’d miss saving their life. I think they just trickled off this site when they realized certain people weren’t paying enough attention to them.

Because of that, I tend to avoid threads on depression/suicide, even though I feel drawn towards giving assistance

B said:

Also, I found it hard to always be available for others no matter how much I cared.

Oh yeah, that in particular is something I struggle with. When I first jumped onto this forum I adamantly attempted to assist someone who seemed to be in suicidal distress, since I’ve got lots of experience with that. Unfortunately it lead to me just being anxious that they would message me at some weird time of day (especially since I’m in a radically different time zone) and I’d miss saving their life. I think they just trickled off this site when they realized certain people weren’t paying enough attention to them.

Because of that, I tend to avoid threads on depression/suicide, even though I feel drawn towards giving assistance

Me too.

When there are too many 'struggling' posts here in a short space of time, I find I can only respond to one or maybe two because I find it too emotionally exhausting to do more. 

profdanger said:

I tend to avoid threads on depression/suicide, even though I feel drawn towards giving assistance

We do need to look after ourselves too.

I have found it's something I've learnt over the years as caring for others can very much take a toll.

I don't know if this is an autistic thing but I find it very hard too to detach myself from the suffering of others including (or especially?) non human animals.

I feel nowadays that the more I give of myself, a little bit less of me is left.