• Replies 4 replies
  • Subscribers 31 subscribers
  • Views 54 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

A flap and a quandary

TheCatWoman

I've just had a text inviting me out for coffee in a pub on saturday with one friend who moved to Scotland a year ago and anther I fell out with a couple of years ago, its put me in a total flat spin. I want to see my friend Anne, but 11am's a bit early for me to do anything, I'm really busy on saturday anyway, getting a load of stuf to go to the tip. The idea of sitting in a pub with several other people just fills me with horrified panic.

What do I do?

  • 11am seems a bit unreasonable to me because at that time most people will be doing other things, usually going out later on. I’d be straightforward and text back that you’d love to, but you have a lot to do at that time and ask if you could take a raincheck. The thing is, if you did go, you might not really enjoy it since you'd just be there to avoid offending people, while neglecting essential chores, so I think it would be better to meet up another time when you could enjoy the company more.

    • Could you go for a very short time and ask if you could sit outside? I often turn up just for one drink. Or could you message the friend you would like to see and say you are busy but could she be available at a different time for a quick catch up with you. 

  • That's difficult. Perhaps think about if you want to go first. Then, if yes, perhaps you could meet at an outdoor place, which might feel less intimidating than indoors. As to time, you could suggest pm, after your chores. As to the one you don't like, perhaps you could ask why they want to meet, explaining you feel awkward. One at a time might be less stressful for you, if this proves possible. If not, perhaps you could agree to meet for a/2 an hour only - saying you are busy, and then see how things go before a longer meeting. But, thing is, it is rather nice that they both have approached and want to meet you after so long.

  • That kind of thing can be very tricky, the sense of panic is very understandable.

    If it's a one off, I might try to go (if it were me), as pubs tend to be quiet at that time, with more things like your meet up in question, and not too noisy, and serve tea and coffee. It's still very difficult though, and it really depends on how much you want to see them vs not.

    If you only wanted to go for a little while, have a preplanned thing you need to get off to, so you don't have to stay longer than you want to, but can say it's okay and stay longer if you decide otherwise. 

    If it really isn't your thing, just say sorry you can't. Or you could explain it's awkward as you've fallen out with the other person and see if she'd meet up herself somewhere else and later on? That would probably be the most ideal I'd imagine?