Girlfriends

I suspect at 17 both you Son and his girlfriend were under immense peer pressure to conform to their own social norms, however the good news is that things get better and at 27 many women are after someone very special to enrich their lives and at 57 you are allowed to eccentric!

Historically, didn’t Marilyn Monroe have a thing about Albert Einstein?

Moxey said:

He also asked me should I tell her that I have asbergers when they started going out. I really don't know the answer to that question! He did but now thinks that is the reason she broke it off. I want him to feel normal( hate that word) but he finds it hard to hold anything back. He is too truthful sometimes!!

It is hard to hold this sort of thing back for an aspie. In the long run it is much better that she knows rather than not. I doubt that the label should put her off - he can say that there are lots of famous scientists who are very aspie but this may not impress a lot of girls I guess. It may be that his social skills are unpolished and that he said things out of turn. Reassure him that there are other fish in the sea and that 99.9% of first romances end up in one side or the other being dumped.

I agree with Narra, it takes a bit longer, it is harder doing all of this as an aspie but in the end it can be done successfully.

Has he looked at books on the subject? There is a section about dating etc in Living Well on the Spectrum by Valerie Gaus.

PS Aspergers is spelled with a P

Unfortunately growing up when you are autistic is harder, takes longer and can be very painful at times.  Looking back I would still not want to swop my Autistic life for Nero-typical one and yes I am now married with three grown-up children and my grand children affectingly call me 'Grumpy'!

 You are right in your approach and in not wrapping him up or mothering him too much.

He also asked me should I tell her that I have asbergers when they started going out. I really don't know the answer to that question! He did but now thinks that is the reason she broke it off. I want him to feel normal( hate that word) but he finds it hard to hold anything back. He is too truthful sometimes!!

He does have interests like football and playing the guitar. Football has taken his mind off it but not when he's in house. He's too upset to play guitar and has punched a hole in his door in frustration!  He has a twin who has no tolerance for girl troubles so that doesn't help his mood! I don't want to wrap him up or mother him too much, but I'm finding this chapter in his life very hard. Yes he is also finding anxiety hard to deal with. he is bemused that this girl told him she loved him and doesn't anymore! 

My son who is is 22 has just been dumped by his girlfriend although he had kept telling her he wanted to dump her. He now is full of regret and really struggling with constant anxiety.

That hes achieved something many of us would rip our right arm off for isnt going to be making him any happier now. Ive noticed amongst aquantances on the spectrum that relationship failure can be taken either as "ohwell; NEXT" or "the skys falling!! its the end of the world"...and Ive yet to figure out how to help moderate either response...but time in a comfortable routine seems to recenter a person eventually...does he have an Interest he can take cover in?

And can he share his relationship establishing doctrines?

Reasons to be cheerful

#1 He at least succeeded in getting a girlfriend

#2 He has the whole of the rest of his life in front of him

you can't protect him from life and perhaps you have to let him make some mistakes and false starts.

What he needs from you is your unconditional support. you can be there for him when things go wrong but you can't wrap him in cotton wool and stop him from growing up.