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It's official! - BBC news 'solitude as an aspirational lifestyle'

Marianne72

At last, it appears we're becoming mainstream Thinking ! Read this BBC news article. 'Solitude as an aspirational lifestyle: 'We are not lonely.''

I admit that at first I felt miffed [strangely], as if 'normal' people had encroached on my chosen solitary space, turning it into 'a thing'. For years, before discovering I was autistic, being solitary was a lifestyle I felt I'd created - something special. I'd endured the usual remarks - 'everyone needs someone' 'what about when you get old?' - constantly reading in the media trite remarks like the greatly over-used, 'billy no-mates.' But perhaps it will prove to be a good thing. Those with psycho-pathologies that lead them to commit crime to, 'get noticed' might at last feel understood; their state becoming 'socially acceptable', instead of a cause for taunting. Others who feel lonely and for whom the lifestyle is not an actual choice, might feel relieved that they are, 'normal'. 

Is this revelation a good or bad thing as far as you're concerned? 

  • I welcomed the article as a first step, but disliked the two ways in which it minimised the women's experience. The first was quoting a psychologist:

    "Everybody's lonely at some point, but some people are not OK admitting that," says Professor Melody Ding, an epidemiologist researching social connection and loneliness at the University of Sydney ...acknowledges that people's social needs vary at different stages of life, but Ding's hope for those who have lost relationships is that they can eventually "de-emphasise" the friendless aspect of their lives and forge new social bonds."

    The second was ending the piece with a quote from each of the three women which undermines the piece:
    "Those online connections have made Hoadley excited for a future where she finds a "little group of girlfriends". Noehring hopes to one day organise a real world meet-up with her virtual community, and Isa says the support has given her the "push" she needed to start thinking about making friends again."

    Those two things came across to me as a reassurance for allistic adults that solitude is an aberration and even those who say they enjoy it really want a 'normal' social life.

  • in reply to Stuart333

    I wonder if we should rename it as, "Human Free", I do have family, but I've also spent a lot of time with no one, alone for xmas, weekends, birthdays and holidays. But I've always had animal friends, so does that really count as solitude?

    Having money makes most lifestyles easier, as does where you live, if you live in or are able to easily travel to a city and have all the cultural life to enjoy alone, then I wouldn't miss humans at all really. But its different if you're scrabbling around for every penny and can't afford to follow your interests.

  • I think there are levels of aloneness.

    If you work you interact with other people in the day, if it is busy you are tired, spending the evenings alone is ok. They might then have some social activity at the weekend.

    Then there is is living alone but having children or family you call regularly or see from time to time.

    Then there is living alone, spending Christmas, birthdays, holidays alone, weekends alone, doing everything alone or in your garden. This is a different level of alone. Particularly if it goes on for decades.

    Also having money, as these people do, makes everything a lot easier. 

    I have not looked into the people in the article, so I am not sure how alone they really are, or for how long.

  • What took them so long to realise solitude is a good thing?

    In the spiritualality circles I used to move in, being able to enjoy spending time alone and not needing others all the time was called self actualisation.