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friends judging my child

north london mum

hi all im probably over reacting a bit but im still waiting for an  assesment for my 2 year old wont be to probably december as was told 6 months waiting list i was at a freinds the other day and we were talking about my son she said if he has got autism its probably very mild and his just acting like a normal 2 year old when he has a tantrum as thats what 2 year olds do and he wouldnt be coming up to me for a cuddle if he had autism because children with autism dont do that i was quite hurt as she dose not see what i go through on a daily basis with my son ive had other friends say the same thing too i know they are being surportive but they just dont understand because some of them have even said he cant have that because autistic pepole have it really bad dont commnicate i just feel like screaming at them what do they know i have met so many people  with autism and aspergers and they walk talk just like the rest of us some days ive sat here and cried for my son and my freinds dont even know ive stopped telling them things now because i feel like they are judging my son behind my back sorry for the rant but i had to get this of my chest

Parents

  • Hi - I think what you are describing has happened to a very large number of parents of autistic people.  I find it infuriating to say the least!  I have had people tell me there is nothing wrong with my child for the very same reasons - he likes a cuddle, he can talk etc.  I've even had people more recently say that, despite him having a diagnosis, the doctors have got it wrong because 'a friend of a friend has an autistic child and he can't speak at all'...  On the whole, I think these comments are coming from a good place, friends trying to reassure you and tell you everythings going to be ok.  I don't think they realise that they are undermining you and that their comments show a complete lack of understanding.  To be completely honest with you, a few years on, very few of those people remain in my life.  The ones who refused to educate themselves further, who continued to remain ignorant on the subject, don't have a place in our lives anymore - not in a nasty way but just that our lives have taken different paths and we don't 'fit' quite right anymore.  I prefer the people around me to be able to offer support and love for my family than question me and put me in a position where I am having to explain negatives of my childs behaviour.  I prefer to share all the great things about my child and my family, all the achievements, with people who truly understand.  Smile

Reply

  • Hi - I think what you are describing has happened to a very large number of parents of autistic people.  I find it infuriating to say the least!  I have had people tell me there is nothing wrong with my child for the very same reasons - he likes a cuddle, he can talk etc.  I've even had people more recently say that, despite him having a diagnosis, the doctors have got it wrong because 'a friend of a friend has an autistic child and he can't speak at all'...  On the whole, I think these comments are coming from a good place, friends trying to reassure you and tell you everythings going to be ok.  I don't think they realise that they are undermining you and that their comments show a complete lack of understanding.  To be completely honest with you, a few years on, very few of those people remain in my life.  The ones who refused to educate themselves further, who continued to remain ignorant on the subject, don't have a place in our lives anymore - not in a nasty way but just that our lives have taken different paths and we don't 'fit' quite right anymore.  I prefer the people around me to be able to offer support and love for my family than question me and put me in a position where I am having to explain negatives of my childs behaviour.  I prefer to share all the great things about my child and my family, all the achievements, with people who truly understand.  Smile

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