Aspergers or just doesn't give a fig...

Hi

I am struggling to understand the workings of my ex right now.  I like to think his callousness is because his aspergers prevents him from seeing the hurt he is causing rather than thinking he doesn't give a fig.  At least them it would seem a deliberate act on his part and something I could deal with.

anyway, he has recently had another child.  Our children have access to his social media website and it is full of gushing comments and photos of the half sibling.  There is never ever  any mention of our sons and any comments they post disappear rather quickly.  In fact I doubt many of his new circle of friends even know he has any other children.

It pains me to see him posting all these comments about his son that are then read by our sons, who never ever get a mention.  There are no pictures of our sons or comments about them, it's as if they don't exist in his new world.

I can't talk to my ex as he becomes extremely aggressive and doesn't see how favouring one child over his other children affects them.  Our sons have aspergers and although they have nothing against their half sibling I can see that they are hurt by how their father doesn't seem to give a fig about their feelings.  Our youngest didn't even get a birthday card or present last year.

I suppose I just wanted to know if this could be mindblindness or the signs of someone who as I said earlier doesn't give a fig.

Welcome your comments.

Parents
  • Former Member
    Former Member

    I think you have to treat him as a lost cause. It's very sad when a relationship fails but you don't have any power to change him and you don't have any responsibility to change him either.

    You can do things to make your children's lives better. Don't make your life miserable either. Pity your ex for his failings but try not to be angry. Anger will eat you up and it won't touch him. You have the moral high ground here so pity him rather than despising him. It isn't his fault, he didn't do it deliberately, turn your pity on him and look after your kids.

    :-)

Reply
  • Former Member
    Former Member

    I think you have to treat him as a lost cause. It's very sad when a relationship fails but you don't have any power to change him and you don't have any responsibility to change him either.

    You can do things to make your children's lives better. Don't make your life miserable either. Pity your ex for his failings but try not to be angry. Anger will eat you up and it won't touch him. You have the moral high ground here so pity him rather than despising him. It isn't his fault, he didn't do it deliberately, turn your pity on him and look after your kids.

    :-)

Children
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