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Aspergers or just doesn't give a fig...

Hotel california

Hi

I am struggling to understand the workings of my ex right now.  I like to think his callousness is because his aspergers prevents him from seeing the hurt he is causing rather than thinking he doesn't give a fig.  At least them it would seem a deliberate act on his part and something I could deal with.

anyway, he has recently had another child.  Our children have access to his social media website and it is full of gushing comments and photos of the half sibling.  There is never ever  any mention of our sons and any comments they post disappear rather quickly.  In fact I doubt many of his new circle of friends even know he has any other children.

It pains me to see him posting all these comments about his son that are then read by our sons, who never ever get a mention.  There are no pictures of our sons or comments about them, it's as if they don't exist in his new world.

I can't talk to my ex as he becomes extremely aggressive and doesn't see how favouring one child over his other children affects them.  Our sons have aspergers and although they have nothing against their half sibling I can see that they are hurt by how their father doesn't seem to give a fig about their feelings.  Our youngest didn't even get a birthday card or present last year.

I suppose I just wanted to know if this could be mindblindness or the signs of someone who as I said earlier doesn't give a fig.

Welcome your comments.

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  • Former Member
    Former Member

    I guess that explains, but in no way excuses, his behaviour. It is a sad fact that undiagnosed aspies are most likely to get divorced if they manage to get married in the first place. He is probably living a chaotic life where things don't make sense and he is reacting to situations by taking easy choices when they come along. He is probably overwhelmed on a daily basis so won't manage to think of things like your youngest's birthday. I suspect you couldn't understand him and he couldn't understand you and that is why it has been reduced to shouting. He may well probably have a honeymoon period with his new partner before the cycle repeats itself.

    This is a similar question to the recent discussions here around "is it because he's 9 or because he's on the spectrum?.

    I think you need to talk to your sons and hope that they can understand some of what is happening. With their prior knowledge, of their condition, they can be confident that they won't end up repeating this particular situation.

    On top of his likely ASD you also have the Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus question whereby men and women are always going to be different and hard for the opposite sex to figure out. That's a topic for another day though

    :-)

Reply
  • Former Member
    Former Member

    I guess that explains, but in no way excuses, his behaviour. It is a sad fact that undiagnosed aspies are most likely to get divorced if they manage to get married in the first place. He is probably living a chaotic life where things don't make sense and he is reacting to situations by taking easy choices when they come along. He is probably overwhelmed on a daily basis so won't manage to think of things like your youngest's birthday. I suspect you couldn't understand him and he couldn't understand you and that is why it has been reduced to shouting. He may well probably have a honeymoon period with his new partner before the cycle repeats itself.

    This is a similar question to the recent discussions here around "is it because he's 9 or because he's on the spectrum?.

    I think you need to talk to your sons and hope that they can understand some of what is happening. With their prior knowledge, of their condition, they can be confident that they won't end up repeating this particular situation.

    On top of his likely ASD you also have the Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus question whereby men and women are always going to be different and hard for the opposite sex to figure out. That's a topic for another day though

    :-)

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