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Hatred and dread of Christmas

Bee68

[Please don't read this if you like Christmas, I don't want to upset anyone or criticise what they enjoy!!!]

I am only just recovering from last Christmas, and I'm painfully aware that in 4 months all the hype is going to start again.

I've started writing down and keeping notes every year about how dreadful I feel at Christmas, so that I know it's just an annual thing that happens every year and then passes (although it's taking it's own good time this year).

I HATE all the hypocrisy: the manipulative advertising, the "it's Christmas so we have to make sure the homeless are fed - we don't care about them at all the rest of the year" attitude from certain people who are extremely wealthy, the dreadful music, the way we're pushed into having to believe it's "the most wonderful time of the year".

I get panic attacks, I feel like the world is about to end. This goes on for weeks. I can't get out from under it, and nobody understands (including me) why I can't do that.

I avoid it as much as I can, and now I don't have young children that's quite easy when I'm at home.

I have had some serious trauma experiences in the past (40+ years ago) at Christmas time, but that doesn't explain it.

I think it's the HYPOCRISY! The lies about how beautiful and wonderful Christmas is, how it cures all ills, how everyone has to be nice to each other because it's Christmas - but the rest of the year they can get on with just ignoring / being nasty.

I'm really dreading next Christmas because this just seems to be getting worse.

I also really like all the lights, etc. If the whole thing only lasted a week, and the advertising wasn't so sickening, I think I would enjoy it.

Is it just me? Does anyone understand?

Parents
  • Bee68 said:
    I have had some serious trauma experiences in the past (40+ years ago) at Christmas time, but that doesn't explain it.

    Are you sure about that?? Trauma often comes back because it has hyper-strong triggers. Christmas is certainly full of triggers for many. If you dread it beforehand, that sets up a negative vibe. From what you say, Christmas is important for you but you feel hype spoils what could be a different kind of celebration for you; a magical, quiet reflective season. If it were me I would start to deal with it now with a determination things will be different this year. Could you go into a sort of hibernation for the weeks before Christmas, imagining all the adverts are aimed at others whilst you hyper-focus on something else?  Perhaps you could start planning very early, focusing on how you will spend Christmas week, just as you plan for birthdays and family celebrations. Hope this helps.

Reply
  • Bee68 said:
    I have had some serious trauma experiences in the past (40+ years ago) at Christmas time, but that doesn't explain it.

    Are you sure about that?? Trauma often comes back because it has hyper-strong triggers. Christmas is certainly full of triggers for many. If you dread it beforehand, that sets up a negative vibe. From what you say, Christmas is important for you but you feel hype spoils what could be a different kind of celebration for you; a magical, quiet reflective season. If it were me I would start to deal with it now with a determination things will be different this year. Could you go into a sort of hibernation for the weeks before Christmas, imagining all the adverts are aimed at others whilst you hyper-focus on something else?  Perhaps you could start planning very early, focusing on how you will spend Christmas week, just as you plan for birthdays and family celebrations. Hope this helps.

Children
  • in reply to Marianne72

    When Christmas Day arrives, that's when it usually starts to lift. My husband cooks Christmas lunch (I used to do beans on toast when I was responsible for it, I've never cooked traditional Christmas lunch) and I just sit there and feel layers of weight start to break up and lift off me. 

    I used to self medicate with alcohol. Since I stopped drinking 2 years ago, that has really made Christmas worse (although I'm 100% convinced that drinking alcohol again is the worst thing I could do). There's nothing to take the edge off when it gets really overwhelming and I run out of things to distract me.