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Managing other people's expectations

NAS78935

I'm a woman in my 30s, and find that it is very hard to explain that a) yes, I'm capable in some ways b) no, I'm not capable in all ways. Because I'm seen as competent in my job, and by those around me, I'm expected to behave , act, think in ways that always live up to that competent profile. But I can't. 

I want to be able to say 'im not good at x' without people saying 'how annoying, you should be'. It's frustrating on many levels, partly because it's a neurotypical way of thinking to make assumptions about how someone should or shouldn't be or think. I feel like I can't win. 

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  • Just to double check, does anyone actually say "how annoying", or is this what you think they will say?

    It makes a big difference.

    You may be being unreasonably harsh on yourself.

    It is one of the cognitive distortions; to assume you know what other people are thinking.

  • in reply to Stuart333

    Friends and family sometimes tell me I'm annoying in that way. At work, it's more that I can sense people get frustrated. 

  • in reply to NAS78935

    Can you say to your boss, "I am not very good at this, but I will try my best."

    "But it would better if I could mostly do this other thing that I am good at. Is that possible?"

    People get frustrated with others from time to time, you may get frustrated with some of your colleagues.

    No one is good at everything. All you can do is your best and try to not worry too much about other people.

    If they haven't actually said anything, then try not to worry too much 

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  • in reply to NAS78935

    Can you say to your boss, "I am not very good at this, but I will try my best."

    "But it would better if I could mostly do this other thing that I am good at. Is that possible?"

    People get frustrated with others from time to time, you may get frustrated with some of your colleagues.

    No one is good at everything. All you can do is your best and try to not worry too much about other people.

    If they haven't actually said anything, then try not to worry too much 

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