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Managing other people's expectations

NAS78935

I'm a woman in my 30s, and find that it is very hard to explain that a) yes, I'm capable in some ways b) no, I'm not capable in all ways. Because I'm seen as competent in my job, and by those around me, I'm expected to behave , act, think in ways that always live up to that competent profile. But I can't. 

I want to be able to say 'im not good at x' without people saying 'how annoying, you should be'. It's frustrating on many levels, partly because it's a neurotypical way of thinking to make assumptions about how someone should or shouldn't be or think. I feel like I can't win. 

Parents

  • My experience is similar.

    My acquaintances want my virtues but not whatever is seen as an impediment to me being economically valuable or just valuable in their judgement.

    In some sense this is ableism.

    One tip is to think how to workaround those cases in advance, so that you can gracefully get out of their way, and also free yourself from the tasks that are too taxing for your physical or mental health.

    I do this whenever I am invited to highly social events. But be mindful that you cant always be sick.

    It must be 1) at least partly true, 2) said in a way that sounds definitive. In addition, 3) people soften their insistence if you offer "an off ramp" like: but we could go and sit by the river.

    Related: 

    - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ableism

    - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sanism

Reply

  • My experience is similar.

    My acquaintances want my virtues but not whatever is seen as an impediment to me being economically valuable or just valuable in their judgement.

    In some sense this is ableism.

    One tip is to think how to workaround those cases in advance, so that you can gracefully get out of their way, and also free yourself from the tasks that are too taxing for your physical or mental health.

    I do this whenever I am invited to highly social events. But be mindful that you cant always be sick.

    It must be 1) at least partly true, 2) said in a way that sounds definitive. In addition, 3) people soften their insistence if you offer "an off ramp" like: but we could go and sit by the river.

    Related: 

    - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ableism

    - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sanism

Children
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