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When someone winks at you, is it patronising or are they fond of you in some way?

glow_flow

This is random and maybe a stupid question, but on an occasion when someone winks at me, I don’t know what to make of it. The conversations I’ve had where I’ve been winked at I didn’t do anything particularly amazing, in fact I think was probably a bit awkward, which is why I’m a bit baffled.

  • Context is everything. Non-verbal communication elements, like winking, can have a myriad of meanings based on the context, they seldom have fixed semanticity. A wink can even be a contraindicator of something being said. For example, "No you cannot use the broken railings as a shortcut", followed by a wink, would indicate that the person saying this was obliged to do so, but in reality did not object to the use of the shortcut.

  • I think it means that someone fancies you.

  • It has many meanings, depending on context. The best thing if it bothers you might be to ask, 'sorry, what was that?' or somesuch. If they look puzzled, you can make out you got distracted and wanted to know what the wink was about. [There's no harm in a little white lie, if it makes you more comfortable to know rather than to let it pass]. 

  • It usually means the latter. It's a playful gesture that can either be flirtatious or sort of a subtle acknowledgement of something

  • A wink can have a lot of different meanings depending on context, how it is performed and the culture of people involved.

    A slow wink in a smallish group setting in a bar for example can signify some sort of collusion between the person talking and who they are looking at (eg " I told the policeman I had not taken any drugs" meaning they had but were lying) or it could be flirty and signal naughty intentions if the conversation was about relationships or connected activities.

    If it is in a formal setting where a colleague is getting told off for something they didn't do but were taking the blame for to protect you then it can signify solidarity and appreciation.

    I read that in some African cultures it is a signal used from parents to children that it is time to leave the room in a social setting to let the grown-ups talk.

    There is a good reason that it is hard to understand because it is hugely nuanced and it is not just neurodivergent people who struggle with it.

    I find that if I do not understand then the best response is to give a puzzled look which typically makes the sender find a way of being more direct.