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Social interaction

Lilabeth85

Hello, my daughter s 12 and massively struggles in groups. She finds conversations difficult and is currently unable to initiate them or keep them going. As a result of this, she is often left on the sidelines and feeling like she doesn't fit.  She attends weekly ballet sessions and figure skating and I've recently enrolled her onto a local wellbeing course but I'm wondering if anybody can offer any other advice. I'm also currently listening to a podcast with her as she desperately wants to make new friends and have conversations but the anxiety gets the better of her. As a side note, she does have some meaningful friendships which is a blessing. Thanks for reading.

Parents

  • Its not anxiety is the disregulation of her nervous system as her brain is getting overwhelmed and it can't process what she's experiencing fast enough. That is what happens with me. She is part of things, even if she can't keep up with the conversation and needs to be off on her own listening. She can talk to one person at a time, but more than one she can't do it and her brain/social capacity shuts down. Same thing happens with me again. She needs one on one social interactions, when there is a group she wants to be part of it, but separate in her own space. 

    I play wheelchair rugby and I sit off on my own in the corner of the hall and don't talk to anyone, I just listen to other people chatting, its much better for me. As if I try to socialize even if it goes well I feel terrible. Another thing is stimming to re-regulate her nervous system so she can calm it down. I do things like going for the toilet and do stimming then I come back. Even with one person I can socialize for about 90 minutes before I get exhausted. With my autism I am hyper aware, with one person I can maintain most of that, a second person it drops to like 5 things I can process at once, my brain and socialize reaction slows down, so my brain is buffering. Understanding and accepting this for her could be the greatest thing, rather than trying to force it like I did for years not understanding that I couldn't do it. 

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  • Its not anxiety is the disregulation of her nervous system as her brain is getting overwhelmed and it can't process what she's experiencing fast enough. That is what happens with me. She is part of things, even if she can't keep up with the conversation and needs to be off on her own listening. She can talk to one person at a time, but more than one she can't do it and her brain/social capacity shuts down. Same thing happens with me again. She needs one on one social interactions, when there is a group she wants to be part of it, but separate in her own space. 

    I play wheelchair rugby and I sit off on my own in the corner of the hall and don't talk to anyone, I just listen to other people chatting, its much better for me. As if I try to socialize even if it goes well I feel terrible. Another thing is stimming to re-regulate her nervous system so she can calm it down. I do things like going for the toilet and do stimming then I come back. Even with one person I can socialize for about 90 minutes before I get exhausted. With my autism I am hyper aware, with one person I can maintain most of that, a second person it drops to like 5 things I can process at once, my brain and socialize reaction slows down, so my brain is buffering. Understanding and accepting this for her could be the greatest thing, rather than trying to force it like I did for years not understanding that I couldn't do it. 

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