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Social interaction

Lilabeth85

Hello, my daughter s 12 and massively struggles in groups. She finds conversations difficult and is currently unable to initiate them or keep them going. As a result of this, she is often left on the sidelines and feeling like she doesn't fit.  She attends weekly ballet sessions and figure skating and I've recently enrolled her onto a local wellbeing course but I'm wondering if anybody can offer any other advice. I'm also currently listening to a podcast with her as she desperately wants to make new friends and have conversations but the anxiety gets the better of her. As a side note, she does have some meaningful friendships which is a blessing. Thanks for reading.

  • Possibly you could look at whether there are some autism groups she could join - some people feel they fit in better with a group of people with similar needs.

    Other than that, I struggle to advise you. At 37, I still really struggle with groups and friends. I still don't know how to take part in conversations of multiple people. It's like someone can explain the rules and it seems straight forward but in the moment it's just impossible and makes no sense.

    It is very difficult and I empathise with how your daughter feels. Great that she has some meaningful friendships though. Many of us do not.

  • Hi Lilabeth85. 
    I wish I could help more, but I never have figure it out for myself. Perhaps if she has a friend in one of these groups that you can get her some one-on-one time with (conversations are sometimes easier with one person), she can chat to them, and then have a better anchor in the group. 

    Also if she does have some meaningful friendships, maybe it's that she feels she should have more, due to wanting to be more like neurotypical kids she sees? In which case, finding her more role-models in media and books saying it's okay to not have lots of friends might help? Sometimes growing up autistic is trying to be like you think you should be, even if it's making you uncomfortable. Doing hobbies is great as you get to be with people, and they know you, but you don't have to worry about direct interactions all the time. Perhaps just not hanging out in groups would make her happier? Sorry if this feels wrong for your situation, but thought I would put that out there too?

    Best wishes.

  • Hello Lilabeth85.

    Having been that autistic twelve year old many years ago, I relate to how important it is to find a place of belonging - you are being a fantastic parent . In addition to the wonderful advice from our community, I would like to share several resources to you that may be of use;

    Here are resources relating to Socialising, I hope they might be of use.

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/family-life-and-relationships/making-friends

    In addition, there is also a directory relating to services that may be available in your area: 

    https://www.autism.org.uk/autism-services-directory


    I hope that this this information can be of use!



    Thanks - Zac Mod