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is it his autism or is he just being a nasty spoilt pig?

skittles

Hi its my first time ever bieng on an autistic forum, I decided to sign up to it as things are pretty bad and wondered if anyone could help me make sense of things??

il start by saying I have a 15 yr old brother who has autism and ocd. I am 23 and I now live in my own place with my 4yr old and another on the way. 

I have always been called my brothers 'mini mum' as I have always been very very protective of him, it was always me and him.

without going into too much detail I now feel very resentful towards him, sometimes I purely hate him!  He just comes across to me as such a d***!! Hes ignorant,rude,nasty,spoilt and attitudey!

my mums always in tears and I can see its draining him which makes me hate him evenmore!

My mum says its his autism but how I see it is if it was really autism then he wud not be able toachoose hu he was nice and not nice to!

Anyone think they could share any insights/experience/advice???

thanks skittles x

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Your brother is a teenage boy who will act as teenage boys will. He isn't yet grown up but will be tired of being dealt with as a child. On top of this, he also has autism which means that he will be even more awkward and confused about how to deal with the world.

    One thing that he will find particularly hard will be adjusting his behaviour and keeping a civil tongue in his head. He might be being excessively blunt because he can't help it.

    If you always looked after him then have you made the change from treating him as a child to treating him as an adult? He might treat you better if you try using more persuasion and less instruction.

  • You';ve hit on one of the primary reasons why it is sometimes difficult for people on the spectrum to get help from the medical profession and social services. Such behaviours are perceived as wilful.

    It is often difficult to understand why someone can behave so badly as to make it nigh impossible for people to help or want to help.

    However, you presumably haven't got autism youself - you've formed a relationship and have children, have your own place to live in, and independence.

    Firstly your brother is 15. Other 15 year old boys, well you're not far off in age, you can guess they are much the same. Your brother cannot socialise properly - he might be able to compensate for his difficulties to some degree, but it wont make that much difference. It is likely he is isolated, cannot keep pace with the things his peers are doing, he may be getting ridiculed or bullied (common for autism mid teens).

    The pressures of the teenage years, when you are an outsider, and have no points of reference, would be hard to imagine for you. Often things get vastly worse at 14, 15, 16. You would probably be unable to conceive the confusion and complexity of what he is trying to process in his head about what is to him an alien environment.

    Also you might find it useful to find out what sensory issues he has. If you go on the NAS website to the "living with autism" section, you will find a lot of information about what he is likely to be going through.

    In an alien and unfriendly world, his reactions may be defensive, accusative, aggressive, or as you say rude, simply because the only way he can cope with an injurious environment is to be injurious back.