Music is a really important part of my life (I wish I could play but my fine motor skills aren't great). I'm having a day off today and I stuck YouTube on in the background and a song came on that I love and kind of struggle with.
It's by a band called Bear's Den ( which most people haven't heard of), the song is called The Crow which is basically is a song about the loss of an important father figure.
It's really the video that gets me, it's really simple as it only has couples and families just sitting by one another while the song overlays. The sense of emotion and their obvious love and need for one another is clear, that's why I find it so affecting, I don't feel that sense of belonging and it's probably become the biggest issue in my life, I want to feel that I belong and yet , I just don't. How do you express that to the people who care for you? It's not that they aren't desperately important to me and that I couldn't see myself being here without them. Could comfort and warm familiarity just be my version of love?
Emotional permanence can be a factor and that people just disappear from my emotional consciousness. Those feelings aren't really the same when they are back in my life. I'm missing my son who is away at university, he's coming back up tomorrow and I'm desperate to see him but I'm scared that it will not be the same.
I don't know if it's because my usual routine has been broken or if it's my new ADHD meds but I feel slightly unsettled and lost.
Anyway, take care of yourselves.
