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Funny Old World and how people are?

TheCatWoman

I think I might have been or am in the process of being dropped by a friend, she's recently got a new partner and I've gone from being an any day of the week friend, to a weekday only friend and now it sppears to a sometimes person I'll go for a dog walk with. 

The bit thats confusing me is that I feel nothing and I'm more concerned about not feeling upset or hurt or whistful or anything, I just feel OK with it, almost relieved, its one less person to care about, I mean I still care about her and would never turn her away, but I don't have to care on a day to day level.

There used to be a roup of us who would meet in the park for dog walks, now some people have moved away, one's fallen out with us all and it was just the two of us left, now it seems just me. I've often noticed that when people get in relationships female friends in particular are dropped, it seem that one is often relegted to weekdays only or weekday daytimes only, as weekends and bank holidays are reserved for the partner. I can't imagine being like that, but then maybe it's a part of NT behaviour I dont' understand? Or something to do with relationships? I've often noticed that the partners of friends seldom like me, especially when I've been single, it seem that many couples can have a "third wheel " quite happily as long as it a male friend which always seems odd to me, but woe betide the third wheel who get a partner, then that partner will be hated and either one or both will be driven away.

I think I'll stick with my animal friends, they're much less complicated.

Parents

  • I’ve had similar experiences with male friends, I seem to have people come into my life and then they’re gone. I know of  people who have life long friends, I’ve never had this, I think some friendships want more than I can offer.

    There seems to be unwritten rules within groups that I wasn’t given the rules for.

    I used to go to the village pub, there was a group of men all about my age who were friends, I sort of knew I wasn’t in the centre of the group, but thought I was sort of liked.

    There was talk of a trip to the cinema and a curry, I didn’t hear anything else about it, I pulled into the car park one evening,  just as they all came out and got into taxis, one person was smirking, the trip had been arranged without me. That really hurt me, the more I thought about it, the more I realised it had always been like this, right back to school. 

    My wife often moans at me for not wanting or trying to make friendships, I’m just happy being on my own, I’m free to research what I want, it’s quite strange, I feel more connection with objects than people. I spend more time with my Jack Russell than I do people, unfortunately he is 17, I just wish he could have a longer lifespan.

Reply

  • I’ve had similar experiences with male friends, I seem to have people come into my life and then they’re gone. I know of  people who have life long friends, I’ve never had this, I think some friendships want more than I can offer.

    There seems to be unwritten rules within groups that I wasn’t given the rules for.

    I used to go to the village pub, there was a group of men all about my age who were friends, I sort of knew I wasn’t in the centre of the group, but thought I was sort of liked.

    There was talk of a trip to the cinema and a curry, I didn’t hear anything else about it, I pulled into the car park one evening,  just as they all came out and got into taxis, one person was smirking, the trip had been arranged without me. That really hurt me, the more I thought about it, the more I realised it had always been like this, right back to school. 

    My wife often moans at me for not wanting or trying to make friendships, I’m just happy being on my own, I’m free to research what I want, it’s quite strange, I feel more connection with objects than people. I spend more time with my Jack Russell than I do people, unfortunately he is 17, I just wish he could have a longer lifespan.

Children
  • in reply to Roy

    I've had that happen to me too Roy, it is upsetting.

    I always wonder at people who have life long friendships too, how do they sustain them? It's the same with people who've been married for years. I know so few people now, when I was young I was always bumping into people I knew, my ex husband once complained that we couldn't go anywhere without me seeing someone I knew. But most of these people were aquaintances rather than friends.

    I had to have a big rethink about the way I choose friends about 20 years ago, as I realised I'd somehow got into the habit of becoming friends with people who really weren't good for me and didn't have my best interests at heart. Since then I've had very few friends and very few close ones and I actually like it that way, the only thing I miss is people to cook for. I've never liked going out in groups, I've always felt like an outsider, never in on the "in" jokes, always the one who says, no to going to certain restaurants because of allergies etc, the one who can't go for a swim or a bike ride. I've always been ok not to do these things and for them to go ahead without me, but they're not ok with it and I don't understand that at all.

    It's horrible that our animal friends don't live as long as us.

    I find the complexities of other humans interesting too, as long as I'm not in the middle of it