Books for those of no fixed religion but want 'life guidance'

I've been a Pagan for many years now, I started with Wicca, but my spirituality has grown a bit now, or Wicca has narrowed, I'm not sure which, although it does seem to be becoming more codified something I don't feel it was ever intended to be. To quote Sir Terry Pratchet, '.. witches [Wiccans] believe in their gods like they believe in the postman', this is very much how I feel, it's beyond belief or faith, it just is. 

I notice all the faiths you mentions are basically Christian, have you ever moved outside of Christianity or montheism? For me a multiplicity of Gods and Goddesses is obvious and I can't get my head around montheism anymore, it's taken me a while to reach this point having been brought up with the idea if not the practice of montheism. I dont' find myself with a lack of morals although I sometimes find myself with moral conumdrums and sometimes my moral compas is like that of Cpt Jack Sparrow, in that it points to what I want rather than whats a particularly "good" thing. But then one of the things about following a path such as Wicca is that it makes you conciously think about morality and what good and bad/evil actually mean.

Have your ever read The Tao of Pooh? Or Buddhism for Sheep? The Tao of Pooh, looks at Taoism via the medium of Winnie the Pooh, its a whimsically wise book. Buddhism for Sheep is a short book using the life of sheep as a metaphor for Zen Buddhism. Both of these books should be easy reading and a good way to start exploring spirituality.

I think an atheist religion is a contradiction, I get where de Boton is coming from, and it's been a conundrum for humanists and atheists for many many years, how do you have morality without a deity to enforce it? Personally I find it quite easy, our deities don't enforce in the way a monotheistic deity does, or at least what priests tell us pleases their god to punish or allow.

A lot of Christianity is based around Plato and Neo-Platonism, so you may find those interesting.

I like Rumi.

I am neither Christian, nor Jew, nor Magian, nor Muslim …

https://archive.blogs.harvard.edu/sulaymanibnqiddees/2012/11/06/rumi-i-do-not-recognize-myself/

I sort of get this but a bit beyond my intellect! [I wish I was super-clever like my brother but alas did not inherit that gene]. Is it, that knowing myself I can then be one with God? It's more about learning to love the self, and thus finding peace and joy in life.

TheCatWoman said:

I spent many years feeling like my own ghost, if that makes any sense?

Oh, yes I relate to that. I even had friends [really, 'fiend's] who would make snide remarks about me whilst I was standing nearby. Thankfully, I've learned to recognise and ditch this sort. They're usually people who were abused and want you to feel as bad as they do. I'm afraid my patience has worn very thin over the years.

Yes, I love the letterbox thud!

Marianne72 said:

I became an NHS whistleblower and as a result lost my career

That’s bad, especially when the NHS needs whistleblowers. Doing the right thing can be costly and in your case you also paid financially. I’m glad you are positive though and are enjoying the books that come to your door.

Well, after all that study, I became an NHS whistleblower and as a result lost my career. But I had a side career writing on mental health which I enjoyed more despite not earning much - the research costing more than royalties. I love the freedom of retirement, especially as books are cheap and delivered to the door. I've become a professional couch potato!

Yes - I very much relate to this

Oh my goodness, what similarities! I divorced one parent and changed my surname. You did well to attain an MSc in four years in your mid forties! 

My academic journey was more staggered. A BSc in my late 30s, a PGCE at an Institute attached to a university in my mid forties and an MA with Distinction at a traditional university in my late forties. It’s contrasted against being last in the class in most subjects apart from Maths until about P3. English and French were the only subjects I scraped through. 

I hated school but ended up changing career and becoming a teacher. It was hard going and I was bullied by management and became burned out. An illness a year and a half into teaching finished it off for good. I recovered somewhat, completed the masters and worked abroad for a bit, but I could never get myself together properly to make a lasting career of it. 

Theres more to intellegence than qualifications, you come across to me as an an intellegent, funny and thoughful person, being thoughtful and having a sense of humour balance the intellegence, life must be very dull with only cold hard logic for companionship.

I was never encouraged either only discouraged, I spent many years feeling like my own ghost, if that makes any sense?

Thank you! Yes, I think part genetic, part life experiences. I think you never fully recover but learn to live alongside the past. I 'divorced' my parents by changing my surname, then choosing a different date for my birthday. That helped a lot. I didn't go to University until I was 42 and passed MSc. at 46. Became an author age 47. Glad to hear you went to OU - fantastic institution.

Marianne72 said:

I had no feedback from parents and was often considered 'below par'.

And the effects from that have stayed with you. It’s so hard to undo damage when there is neglect by omission, or by any other means. People might tell you it was a long time ago and to move on, but those who haven’t experienced it won’t understand.

In my case, the depression and anxiety I have had long term could have been caused by neglect and abuse but I know there can be a genetic link to that too. I returned to study late in my life through the OU and my confidence was so low that I didn’t tell anybody I was doing it until three years later. I really only began as an experiment because I had discovered that unlike school work, the teaching style of the OU suited me. Studying boosted my confidence but it hasn’t made the effects of the past disappear, they continue to be present.

You write well and I enjoy reading your posts. 

Thank you - much appreciated .

We definately have different persectives, but if think they would make for an interesting discussion. Thankyou for your kind words, I'm not very good at taking compliments or giving them either.

I agree with you its a waste of time worrying and blaming yourself for things that can't be fixed, as you say the hardest thing is letting go of people, like parents, who are toxic, it's really hard and theres so much pressure to keep trying.

Ironically I've spent a lot of my life helping people to stand in thier own light and power, but often fail to do it myself, but then I'm still learning too and it's so easy when you're outside of an issue to see what needs to change, it's much less easy to do.

I think periods of withdrawl from the world are good, our own inner winter, where we stay in repose, gather our strength, affirm our inner wisdom and settle ourselves ready to go back to the fray of living in a world that so often feels against us.

Philip Larkin definitely had a point when it came to parents…….you definitely don’t come across on here as ‘below par’ Marianne! I hope you can cast off their negative influence and be free of that x 

I agree. I don’t mean surrender and acceptance in an entirely passive sense - more as in the well know serenity prayer (‘God grant me the serenity the accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference’). For example: my Dad was consistently verbally and emotionally abusive towards me throughout my life. I wasted literally YEARS thinking that I could help him to see that it was wrong to treat me like that - and trying to improve our relationship. I should have much sooner got to the point where I accepted that he was never going to change - and completely given up on trying to improve that relationship. I should have ‘given up’, and surrendered much much sooner to the knowledge that my Dad got some kind of weird sense of power from putting me down, and saying insulting things to me, and removed myself from his presence and his influence. But I exhausted myself over a period of decades thinking that I could make him understand that it was a bad thing to treat his daughter like that. It was SUCH a waste of my time and energy - and I should have given up on that huge effort decades earlier. So still taking action - but not trying for many years  to change a man who would never change. I’m definitely not advocating complete passivity and not taking action when required. But there’s no point beating our heads against the wall over things that are beyond our control. This extends even to small things like the weather - so that instead of wasting energy moaning about the fact it’s raining ( like many people do ) - just accept it and get on with the day - in fact preferably feel positive about all the benefits of the rain. Or if I break something : instead of beating myself up for being so stupid for dropping or breaking something (which is what I would do previously) I just try to accept the thing is broken and be ok with that. Things break. 

I think we probably would agree on many things (like the flaws of capitalism etc) - but we have different perspectives I’m sure. I really respect your contributions on here - they’re really interesting and I you have admirable directness and seem to have a lot of integrity. Also - many of these subjects are complex and we all bring our own baggage to them. We have different histories, and that only makes talking to people on here all the more interesting:) 

ArchaeC said:

ou come across as clever Marianne.

That means a great deal to me, thankyou! I had no feedback from parents and was often considered 'below par'. My self-learning is fragile because I fear making a fool of myself. That's why I prefer writing to other forms of communicating.

Kate Kestrel said:

Accept the mystery’

I like that. It has made me think of how music lifts the soul and nature gives life …it’s a mystery. 

I think that texts can be read on at least two levels, some on more levels, and one way doesn’t take away from another way. I find it very interesting to know how ordinary people or people who are familiar with a text or are scholars in a textual discipline would translate/understand/interpret a text. It makes me feel grounded in the world and there is a spirituality in that and an authenticity and assurance of what has been and is happening for the author. When I read a text like that I am not looking for the secret of life and I’m not trying to grasp and define everything. I’m seeking understanding of the background to the text because I love to do that. Some people have no interest in seeking that kind of understanding and that is ok too, but that is not the only way for me. 

Reading a text in a spiritual way and not trying to understand the intention of the author is of the highest value too. It’s what I did for many years and still do sometimes. Both ways of reading a text are valid but perhaps some religious disciplines wouldn’t teach both ways.

Kate Kestrel said:

Accept the mystery’

I like that. It has made me think of how music lifts the soul and nature gives life …it’s a mystery. 

I think that texts can be read on at least two levels, some on more levels, and one way doesn’t take away from another way. I find it very interesting to know how ordinary people or people who are familiar with a text or are scholars in a textual discipline would translate/understand/interpret a text. It makes me feel grounded in the world and there is a spirituality in that and an authenticity and assurance of what has been and is happening for the author. When I read a text like that I am not looking for the secret of life and I’m not trying to grasp and define everything. I’m seeking understanding of the background to the text because I love to do that. Some people have no interest in seeking that kind of understanding and that is ok too, but that is not the only way for me. 

Reading a text in a spiritual way and not trying to understand the intention of the author is of the highest value too. It’s what I did for many years and still do sometimes. Both ways of reading a text are valid but perhaps some religious disciplines wouldn’t teach both ways.