Books for those of no fixed religion but want 'life guidance'

TheCatWoman said:

I spent many years feeling like my own ghost, if that makes any sense?

Oh, yes I relate to that. I even had friends [really, 'fiend's] who would make snide remarks about me whilst I was standing nearby. Thankfully, I've learned to recognise and ditch this sort. They're usually people who were abused and want you to feel as bad as they do. I'm afraid my patience has worn very thin over the years.

Yes, I love the letterbox thud!

Marianne72 said:

I became an NHS whistleblower and as a result lost my career

That’s bad, especially when the NHS needs whistleblowers. Doing the right thing can be costly and in your case you also paid financially. I’m glad you are positive though and are enjoying the books that come to your door.

Well, after all that study, I became an NHS whistleblower and as a result lost my career. But I had a side career writing on mental health which I enjoyed more despite not earning much - the research costing more than royalties. I love the freedom of retirement, especially as books are cheap and delivered to the door. I've become a professional couch potato!

Billy87 said:

your post asked for non religious books and I hope I havn't offended you by sharing.

Not at all! Any book recommendations are very welcome. I discover books on all kinds of subjects (I prefer non fiction) through many sources, including other books, news articles, chat, reviews - even overhearing others discussing books they've enjoyed.

I've sampled many pathways to spirituality, usually presenting myself as a volunteer tea-maker or gardener, which is a very good way of meeting people - a focus that helps prevent nervousness with 'chatting'. I went to a CE school but the headmaster was strict [ex army] and narrowminded and put a lot of pupils off faith. That said, we had a wonderful RE teacher who taught world religions, so I garnered a wide interest in different faiths (including mythology), that lasted lifelong. It also led to an interest in archaeology and paleontology, which I now pursue as an armchair amateur.

The only Lewis book I've read is 'A Grief Observed', hard going but inspiring. That helped me come to terms with the wider meaning of grief [as in lost opportunity]. As a result of reading this, I watched the film, 'Shadowlands,'several times over the years; a moving testiment to love, brilliantly acted [Anthony Hopkins and a young David Mazzello) and beautifully filmed. I'd really  recommend this film to anyone who hasn't seen it.

Yes - I very much relate to this

As a Christian, I find it hard to recommend any non-faith books as to me the only true help and guidance I have ever had in life is from my faith. It's the reason I'm still here. I'm currently reading Mere Christianity by C.S Lewis, a man who started out as a passionate atheist and humanist and it's so simple and beautiful, it is, I believe geared towards those who don't currently have a faith. 

I realise, though, that your post asked for non religious books and I hope I havn't offended you by sharing. I wish you every blessing in your search 

Oh my goodness, what similarities! I divorced one parent and changed my surname. You did well to attain an MSc in four years in your mid forties! 

My academic journey was more staggered. A BSc in my late 30s, a PGCE at an Institute attached to a university in my mid forties and an MA with Distinction at a traditional university in my late forties. It’s contrasted against being last in the class in most subjects apart from Maths until about P3. English and French were the only subjects I scraped through. 

I hated school but ended up changing career and becoming a teacher. It was hard going and I was bullied by management and became burned out. An illness a year and a half into teaching finished it off for good. I recovered somewhat, completed the masters and worked abroad for a bit, but I could never get myself together properly to make a lasting career of it. 

Theres more to intellegence than qualifications, you come across to me as an an intellegent, funny and thoughful person, being thoughtful and having a sense of humour balance the intellegence, life must be very dull with only cold hard logic for companionship.

I was never encouraged either only discouraged, I spent many years feeling like my own ghost, if that makes any sense?

Thank you! Yes, I think part genetic, part life experiences. I think you never fully recover but learn to live alongside the past. I 'divorced' my parents by changing my surname, then choosing a different date for my birthday. That helped a lot. I didn't go to University until I was 42 and passed MSc. at 46. Became an author age 47. Glad to hear you went to OU - fantastic institution.

Marianne72 said:

I had no feedback from parents and was often considered 'below par'.

And the effects from that have stayed with you. It’s so hard to undo damage when there is neglect by omission, or by any other means. People might tell you it was a long time ago and to move on, but those who haven’t experienced it won’t understand.

In my case, the depression and anxiety I have had long term could have been caused by neglect and abuse but I know there can be a genetic link to that too. I returned to study late in my life through the OU and my confidence was so low that I didn’t tell anybody I was doing it until three years later. I really only began as an experiment because I had discovered that unlike school work, the teaching style of the OU suited me. Studying boosted my confidence but it hasn’t made the effects of the past disappear, they continue to be present.

You write well and I enjoy reading your posts. 

Thank you - much appreciated .

We definately have different persectives, but if think they would make for an interesting discussion. Thankyou for your kind words, I'm not very good at taking compliments or giving them either.

I agree with you its a waste of time worrying and blaming yourself for things that can't be fixed, as you say the hardest thing is letting go of people, like parents, who are toxic, it's really hard and theres so much pressure to keep trying.

Ironically I've spent a lot of my life helping people to stand in thier own light and power, but often fail to do it myself, but then I'm still learning too and it's so easy when you're outside of an issue to see what needs to change, it's much less easy to do.

I think periods of withdrawl from the world are good, our own inner winter, where we stay in repose, gather our strength, affirm our inner wisdom and settle ourselves ready to go back to the fray of living in a world that so often feels against us.

I keep meaning to look into Taoism but keep getting distracted (ironically!) by other things. Thanks for the reminder :) 

Yes, I suspect many autistic people would find the sheer noise and chaos of that style of worship quite overwhelming. Give me order and structure any day!

And more tolerant / forgiving / realistic. For example, unlike most other Christian churches it has for centuries recognized that sometimes divorce is a more acceptable option than forcing a couple to remain married. It has always tempered Christian idealism with a principle of 'economy' (i.e. sometimes practical realities / the command to love supersedes the ideal).

Philip Larkin definitely had a point when it came to parents…….you definitely don’t come across on here as ‘below par’ Marianne! I hope you can cast off their negative influence and be free of that x 

I agree. I don’t mean surrender and acceptance in an entirely passive sense - more as in the well know serenity prayer (‘God grant me the serenity the accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference’). For example: my Dad was consistently verbally and emotionally abusive towards me throughout my life. I wasted literally YEARS thinking that I could help him to see that it was wrong to treat me like that - and trying to improve our relationship. I should have much sooner got to the point where I accepted that he was never going to change - and completely given up on trying to improve that relationship. I should have ‘given up’, and surrendered much much sooner to the knowledge that my Dad got some kind of weird sense of power from putting me down, and saying insulting things to me, and removed myself from his presence and his influence. But I exhausted myself over a period of decades thinking that I could make him understand that it was a bad thing to treat his daughter like that. It was SUCH a waste of my time and energy - and I should have given up on that huge effort decades earlier. So still taking action - but not trying for many years  to change a man who would never change. I’m definitely not advocating complete passivity and not taking action when required. But there’s no point beating our heads against the wall over things that are beyond our control. This extends even to small things like the weather - so that instead of wasting energy moaning about the fact it’s raining ( like many people do ) - just accept it and get on with the day - in fact preferably feel positive about all the benefits of the rain. Or if I break something : instead of beating myself up for being so stupid for dropping or breaking something (which is what I would do previously) I just try to accept the thing is broken and be ok with that. Things break. 

I think we probably would agree on many things (like the flaws of capitalism etc) - but we have different perspectives I’m sure. I really respect your contributions on here - they’re really interesting and I you have admirable directness and seem to have a lot of integrity. Also - many of these subjects are complex and we all bring our own baggage to them. We have different histories, and that only makes talking to people on here all the more interesting:) 

ArchaeC said:

ou come across as clever Marianne.

That means a great deal to me, thankyou! I had no feedback from parents and was often considered 'below par'. My self-learning is fragile because I fear making a fool of myself. That's why I prefer writing to other forms of communicating.

Kate Kestrel said:

your brother being ‘antagonistic towards others’ is a sign that he probably has a long way to go with his Zen practice! 

His fear of people is hard-wired following serious physical bullying at school which went on for years. My parents were incapable of understanding, father trying to teach him boxing instead of helping in appropriate ways like showing love. Schools were unaware / incapable of dealing with physical bullies in those days. I haven't seen him in decades but he wants the life of a hermit, which I respect. He's into martial arts [probably black belt by now, karate and aikido]. Distancing from people is a result of thuggish males attacking him because of his autistic stims, in the street and social housing, so it makes sense to me. He follows  Dojo rules, never fighting back but defending himself. I think he is deep in Zen practice and might end up in Dharamshala, which is his spiritual home.