Say what you mean & Mean what you say - Or is it just me ??

I've long known that I'm very direct and blunt when I communicate, but didn't fully realise until my diagnosis that this is most likely due to my autism. Has anybody else had the same experience??

It not only baffles me, but it actually quite annoys me, when people don't say what they actually mean. I've now briefly read about the 'high-context' and 'low-context' cultures, and according to that, I really shouldn't be British !!

An extract from this says "We rely on nuance, tone and context to convey meaning. We rarely say exactly what we think. Avoiding conflict is a priority in British culture; directness is often seen as impolite or confrontational" 

It's bizarre to me that what people say, particularly in response to on-the-spot questions, is often not what they really mean or think.

I have struggled with this difference for many many years, but perhaps now it can start to make more sense ??!!

Parents
  • The context bit means if you ask, "Are things ok?".

    You get, "They could be better," not , "No, it's all crap."

    It is about understatement.

    But a lot of this traditional approach is going or gone as it is not multicultural. More direct language is more common. Plain English campaigns have also helped.

    But sarcasm is common, as are jokes. And people still try to be polite and not offend people but avoiding being too direct about things they don't want.

  • More direct language is more common.

    Is it?

  • I think so.

    But it depends on what we are talking about.

    Newspapers, internet news, websites, instructions, people at work, emails, shops, government communications, etc. have more direct language for the reasons given, compared to 40 years ago. And particularly compared to 100 or more years ago. Which is the cultural point in the article.

    I don't talk to that many people and if you mean close friends and relatives, then maybe you are right. But I don't speak to many of them, so I don't see it very often. I used to struggle with my partner a long time ago, but that is pretty common. Sometimes I am confused by my parents.

    Like I said, a lack of directness is often when the subject is awkward or sensitive, or a joke or sarcasm.

    If I don't understand anything now I just ask a question straight away. Maybe after all these years I just do it automatically as it saves a lot of effort.

    I suppose everyday phrases like "How are you", "See you later" are just greetings or ways to say goodbye mostly.

    Maybe I have just matched most of the patterns.

Reply
  • I think so.

    But it depends on what we are talking about.

    Newspapers, internet news, websites, instructions, people at work, emails, shops, government communications, etc. have more direct language for the reasons given, compared to 40 years ago. And particularly compared to 100 or more years ago. Which is the cultural point in the article.

    I don't talk to that many people and if you mean close friends and relatives, then maybe you are right. But I don't speak to many of them, so I don't see it very often. I used to struggle with my partner a long time ago, but that is pretty common. Sometimes I am confused by my parents.

    Like I said, a lack of directness is often when the subject is awkward or sensitive, or a joke or sarcasm.

    If I don't understand anything now I just ask a question straight away. Maybe after all these years I just do it automatically as it saves a lot of effort.

    I suppose everyday phrases like "How are you", "See you later" are just greetings or ways to say goodbye mostly.

    Maybe I have just matched most of the patterns.

Children
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