I have a dream to create a game with a story that i imagined myself for so long. It's a story i can only tell in game form. I have to be in control of visuals, sounds, pacing, everything. I don't have any experience in game development. I do have interest in music. That and storytelling are two things I'm confident I'm talented at. I plan to buy a good digital piano soon-ish. So my musical journey will truly start from there. As for the storytelling side. This fictional world inside my head has been stuck there for so long. I keep trying to articulate it and show some of it off to my friends but nobody really seems to care much. And I can't blame them for that. No matter how brilliant i think the ideas in my head are, they're only this brilliant because i can see the full picture. I can't show this full picture to other people without actually making the game a reality. But i know for a fact that making it will take years realistically. And that fact makes me feel a little depressed. I think about my story and characters everyday. They don't escape my mind. I talk about all of it very passionately to my friends on discord. But the most i would get is "very cool". It's not just very cool! It's incredible!. Like i said I can't really blame them. The only one who knows how brilliant my story is is me. No one else. It's like experiencing an incredible piece of fiction that only you know about and you can't share it with anyone. It's extremely lonely. And it really does take a toll on me. I'm 20 years old. I'm still in college. I failed two subjects last year and I'm on my way to fail the third. That has been weighing down heavily on me. I've never experienced failure pre college before. And now final are knocking on my door. It's very stressful. My relationship with my family is very mixed. I'd say it leans more towards bad. I don't have any friends where i live. I was never good at making friends with people here due to my autism. So all my friends are overseas online. The literal only safe space i know of is my room. And I'm sick of it. So to add all that onto the fact that i have a fictional world in my head i want to share but can't. It's making me lose my mind. I'm grateful for being the person that i am with the mind that i have. But sometimes i really do curse the fact that I'm autistic. Sometimes i wish i was more normal so that certain things can go smoother. But at the same time I'm very grateful for being who i am. I don't think i would've had the interests i have otherwise. As much as they're painful to deal with sometimes, there's a lot of beauty in them. I wouldn't have the outlook on life i have right now without my neurodivergence. So Even if I'm feeling extremely lonely, tired and desperate, things will still be fine later. I'm optimistic. I'm not doing the best right now. But when did i ever do? I just really hope someday I'll make my dream game the way i always dreamed of and SHOVE IT IN THE FACE OF EVERYONE WHO DIDN'T CARE! So yeah that's all i wanted to say. I wasn't really sure what to write about being my first time here. This paragraph went all over the place. But i guess speaking from the heart is all that matters. I'm looking forward to the replies.
