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Do you feel stuck in the fictional world inside your head?

Klover115

I have a dream to create a game with a story that i imagined myself for so long. It's a story i can only tell in game form. I have to be in control of visuals, sounds, pacing, everything. I don't have any experience in game development. I do have interest in music. That and storytelling are two things I'm confident I'm talented at. I plan to buy a good digital piano soon-ish. So my musical journey will truly start from there. As for the storytelling side. This fictional world inside my head has been stuck there for so long. I keep trying to articulate it and show some of it off to my friends but nobody really seems to care much. And I can't blame them for that. No matter how brilliant i think the ideas in my head are, they're only this brilliant because i can see the full picture. I can't show this full picture to other people without actually making the game a reality. But i know for a fact that making it will take years realistically. And that fact makes me feel a little depressed. I think about my story and characters everyday. They don't escape my mind. I talk about all of it very passionately to my friends on discord. But the most i would get is "very cool". It's not just very cool! It's incredible!. Like i said I can't really blame them. The only one who knows how brilliant my story is is me. No one else. It's like experiencing an incredible piece of fiction that only you know about and you can't share it with anyone. It's extremely lonely. And it really does take a toll on me. I'm 20 years old. I'm still in college. I failed two subjects last year and I'm on my way to fail the third. That has been weighing down heavily on me. I've never experienced failure pre college before. And now final are knocking on my door. It's very stressful. My relationship with my family is very mixed. I'd say it leans more towards bad. I don't have any friends where i live. I was never good at making friends with people here due to my autism. So all my friends are overseas online. The literal only safe space i know of is my room. And I'm sick of it. So to add all that onto the fact that i have a fictional world in my head i want to share but can't. It's making me lose my mind. I'm grateful for being the person that i am with the mind that i have. But sometimes i really do curse the fact that I'm autistic. Sometimes i wish i was more normal so that certain things can go smoother. But at the same time I'm very grateful for being who i am. I don't think i would've had the interests i have otherwise. As much as they're painful to deal with sometimes, there's a lot of beauty in them. I wouldn't have the outlook on life i have right now without my neurodivergence. So Even if I'm feeling extremely lonely, tired and desperate, things will still be fine later. I'm optimistic. I'm not doing the best right now. But when did i ever do? I just really hope someday I'll make my dream game the way i always dreamed of and SHOVE IT IN THE FACE OF EVERYONE WHO DIDN'T CARE! So yeah that's all i wanted to say. I wasn't really sure what to write about being my first time here. This paragraph went all over the place. But i guess speaking from the heart is all that matters. I'm looking forward to the replies.

  • This is practically what I've been doing with the webcomic I've been drawing and writing. I've been daydreaming and thinking of ideas about it since I was 11. https://globalcomix.com/c/phantasm-project https://www.webtoons.com/en/canvas/phantasm-project/list?title_no=1088423

    I hope you enjoy it!

  • Hi, I think that creating a game sounds so amazing, and I would love to see that game one day. Sometimes my brain likes to imagine this cool fictive world where everything is magical. I let it run wild and I do not control it, and it sort of helps me describe people and things, and makes my world a little more interesting. I am 21 and I hope to study well enough to tackle some hard exams this year, however I feel afraid, but thats okay to me. Thanks for being brave enough to speak your mind and share your honest thoughts from your heart. It was nice knowing a little more about you. Thank you.

  • I have had a go at writing online fiction, mostly SF/Fantasy. I discovered that I am good at world-building and plots, but I produce clunky dialogue. Who would have guessed that an autistic person would be poor at producing believable interpersonal communication?

    I have a well-developed fictional world, with history, geography, politics, art, architecture, languages, religions, arms and armour etc. etc. It started out having a fantasy element, but that was gradually weeded out, so that now it resembles an alternate but realistic world that has its closest parallel in the Medieval Byzantine Empire. I mostly use it to get to sleep, I will think about a particular very specific detail, like ceramic designs, or enmities between individual clans or lordly houses and I drift off.

  • I have a very mixed relationship with my family, I think this is quite a common with large families as you get older. You don’t need to go let other people know your game just don’t always play their game.

  • Klover115 said:
    I keep trying to articulate it and show some of it off to my friends but nobody really seems to care much.

    You can maybe express your ideas here in our forum thread "New forum creative space" where I publish not only my pictures but also some stories.

    I also have a rich inner world which I both love and dislike for various reasons. I have stories in my head like movies, they are ordered on a shelf and my brain picks one up and plays it for months. It often includes some popular personalities which I imagine to have a conversation with in some setting like a room or car. there are also humanoid aliens and other worlds. My mom red some of my stories and she said its fantastic and Netflix could pay me for them. Bur I won't publish them or give any channel like Netflix. The worst thing about my "movies" is their repetition- for weeks and months the same movie being played. It makes sick at times.

  • I made it to 56 without knowing I was autistic, so you have an advantage in knowing, but it isn't an excuse. If you want something, just like everyone else, you have to make it happen. That requires effort, a plan, resilience, time and a little bit of luck.

    If people can't "see" what you mean, sketch it, have some scenes, make a story board of one event or activity. You don't need the finished thing.

    I would start with this. If you can't draw it, or write the plot, is not as fully formed as you think. It is a concept not a design.

    If it is really that cool, you could pitch it to a studio and get other people to help. I'd be surprised if a single person could create an entire non-trivial game.

    If it is just a hobby for yourself, then recognise this. It may give you skills you could use, but it won't pay the bills, donut can't take all you time. If it is to make a commercial product, then you will need help at some stage. The point is to make money so changes may be needed, although maybe not. It has to appeal to people to sell. 

    You would need to somehow protect you idea. So be careful about putting it all out in public.

    Creating futures, but based on reality, it part of masking (camouflage) and scripting, you have to model and predict to fit in. To apply it to fantasy to tell a story, to yourself or others, is also possible.