Daughter gets very stressed over choosing what to do

Hello

Thank you for your reply. I have tried a choosing type board with our daughter before and she just was not bothered by it. It never got used and like all the visuals I tried using for her, she just got stressed. I have not however tried leaving her to choose without my help. I just hate seeing her so stressed over what she could be doing and if I left her to her own devices, she would just watch tv all day. Its so hard to get it right xx

Morning,

Choice is a difficult one, its often focuses anxiety. I experience this extremely strongly when it comes to unstructured time. Having all the choices of what i could do, makes it hard to pin down what I "should" do.

The approach i have taken is to have a grid of cards blu tacked onto the back of my bedroom door. Every time i think of something i would like to do in the future (like, play a certain video game, make a certain thing with lego, or research a certain topic) i write it on a card and stick it on the door.

When i am feeling anxious, rather than make a "decision" about what to do, i pick from the first column of the grid.

The reason this method works for me is because:

1: I seperate the "what" from the when. I don't feel under pressure or overwhelmed with "coulds"

2: I get it out of my head, so i can point at tasks and dicuss them with my partner. I can also write notes so i dont forget things

3: Sub selection, I select from only the smallest group of many. I put stuff into this group at a seperate time. This means i make a big decision (what to pick), based on lots of little decisions (which tasks get into the first column).

Perhaps something in the method would be transferable and useful for you.

Cheers,

Jamie + Lion

My daughter is 11 and has asd, choices can always be an issue. Sometimes we give her choices maybe not too many but still is a problem. We say you choose or its nothing and sometimes they have to live with it. The mood swings can be hit and miss, and now my daughter is asking why she has autism? We have given her loads of literature and gone through it with her but its still pops up when she is upset. We make sure we set aside time to talk about things but the answers we give are hard for her to understand. Any tips or ideas?

Thank you both for your replies, I have tried both of these ideas but when I reduced her choices she got upset that something wasn't there that she wanted and when I left her to it but reassured her I would be there when she needed me she got stressed that I was ignoring her and not helping xxx

Have you tried walking away and leaving her alone whilst she makes her choice? If you tell her to call you when she has made her mind up she might have the mental space to come to a decision.

I'm not sure if this is relavent, but a friend has difficulties chosing confectionary in shops. This causes me problems as I hate to be out in an urban enviroment and he can take up to an hour to make his selection. As a result we have discussed the issue and he says he has difficulty choosing because there is too much to choose from and he considers it necessary to get the choice exactly right as he can only have a limited amount.

Perhaps you could subtley reduce an overwhelming number of options, reassure her of the validity of her choices, and remind her that in the vast majority of cases she will have oppertunity to make another choice another time.

Hope something helps