Using a dating app - this mans story

Update 13th Jan

I think I can say the difficult part is over and I have found a partner who seems a good fit.

First - why was it difficult I had one experience on New Years eve where a woman I had a good first date with suggested we went out to celebrate the new year - I suggested a large street party being held in the town center which had lots going on, but we could start in a hotel i used to stay at when I first worked here. It was a 5 start hotel but hada great bar and restaurant in the lobby so my plan was to have a few drinks and a snack in comfort then head out to the party later. My date had other plans - she ordered a bottle of champagne as soon as we arrived then a sushi platter and intended to spend the evening in the bar, even trying to persuade me to buy tickets to see a band playing in one of the functions rooms in the hotel (at £400 a head I declined).

When I went to the bathroom she ordered another bottle of champagne and more snacks so the bill was about a months salary for a local.

The evening was fun but I did get a feeling of being used for what i could pay for so the next day when I sent a message saying I wouldn't be going on any more dates as I didn't feel there was a good connection I was bombarded with a mixture of pleading and accusational messages (eg "you are just afraid you are falling in love with me").

I don't enjoy conflict or causing hurt so this was tough.

Second - I had another first date a few days later that went well - we certainly had chemistry, shared similar tastes in films and food and this led to a second date and an unexpected bedroom visit. We had quite a good connection in spite of her being 13 years younger than me.

This was the hardest part as I still wanted to meet the woman I first talked to but had not met yet - we shared so much more in common and talked a great deal so in spite of the unexpected escallation of my other potential girlfriend I still wanted to meet the other.

There was a lot of conflict for me over this as I hate the idea of infidelity but I did consult with my brother-in-law about what the etiquette is here and it seems that relationships only become exclusive when both partners talk it over and agree.

After I met with the other lady I was sure she was the best option for me so I had to make the difficult "dear Jane" email to the second lady - that was more difficult than I was expecting but it was met with silence - I got a read receipt but nothing more.

I've had a few more dates, sleep overs etc with the one I chose and I am happy I found a great match so lets see if this works out to be a long term thing. It does seem that way but after 3 years alone it will take some getting used to when we move in together.

I guess the moral of the story is that dating apps can work.

I shared my autism diagnosis carefully - asking them what they know about it (not a lot) and after showing I can communicate well, am pretty sorted thanks to lots of therapy and and also a bit of a romantic then it is seen as just an aspect of who I am.

I guess the moral of the story is that dating apps can work. There will be bumps along the way, some people will possibly be hurt a bit but so long as you are open, honest and direct then you will be in the best position you can be.

This concludes the updates. Thanks for listening.

Update 13th Jan

I think I can say the difficult part is over and I have found a partner who seems a good fit.

First - why was it difficult I had one experience on New Years eve where a woman I had a good first date with suggested we went out to celebrate the new year - I suggested a large street party being held in the town center which had lots going on, but we could start in a hotel i used to stay at when I first worked here. It was a 5 start hotel but hada great bar and restaurant in the lobby so my plan was to have a few drinks and a snack in comfort then head out to the party later. My date had other plans - she ordered a bottle of champagne as soon as we arrived then a sushi platter and intended to spend the evening in the bar, even trying to persuade me to buy tickets to see a band playing in one of the functions rooms in the hotel (at £400 a head I declined).

When I went to the bathroom she ordered another bottle of champagne and more snacks so the bill was about a months salary for a local.

The evening was fun but I did get a feeling of being used for what i could pay for so the next day when I sent a message saying I wouldn't be going on any more dates as I didn't feel there was a good connection I was bombarded with a mixture of pleading and accusational messages (eg "you are just afraid you are falling in love with me").

I don't enjoy conflict or causing hurt so this was tough.

Second - I had another first date a few days later that went well - we certainly had chemistry, shared similar tastes in films and food and this led to a second date and an unexpected bedroom visit. We had quite a good connection in spite of her being 13 years younger than me.

This was the hardest part as I still wanted to meet the woman I first talked to but had not met yet - we shared so much more in common and talked a great deal so in spite of the unexpected escallation of my other potential girlfriend I still wanted to meet the other.

There was a lot of conflict for me over this as I hate the idea of infidelity but I did consult with my brother-in-law about what the etiquette is here and it seems that relationships only become exclusive when both partners talk it over and agree.

After I met with the other lady I was sure she was the best option for me so I had to make the difficult "dear Jane" email to the second lady - that was more difficult than I was expecting but it was met with silence - I got a read receipt but nothing more.

I've had a few more dates, sleep overs etc with the one I chose and I am happy I found a great match so lets see if this works out to be a long term thing. It does seem that way but after 3 years alone it will take some getting used to when we move in together.

I guess the moral of the story is that dating apps can work.

I shared my autism diagnosis carefully - asking them what they know about it (not a lot) and after showing I can communicate well, am pretty sorted thanks to lots of therapy and and also a bit of a romantic then it is seen as just an aspect of who I am.

I guess the moral of the story is that dating apps can work. There will be bumps along the way, some people will possibly be hurt a bit but so long as you are open, honest and direct then you will be in the best position you can be.

This concludes the updates. Thanks for listening.