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Using a dating app - this mans story

Iain

This series of posts is part blog about my experience of a dating app with part dedicated to my autistic traits and also some advice.

Why and how to choose

After 2 and a half years since my divorce I decided it was enough time on my own and I was ready to get back on the dating scene for the first time in 27 years.
It seems to have changed a bit. 


Back when I was last dating there were no mobile phones of consequence, the internet didn't really exist in a usable form and there was a huge amount of luck involved in finding a partner.


From an autistic perspective there was a lot of comfort in my situation of living alone. I had my film library so never was stuck for something good to watch, I had literally thousands of books on subjects I love to read and all my home comforts were in easy reach. No need to socialise, all the sleep I wanted and a routine I had full control over, but I was still becoming lonely.


I took a practical approach - research which dating app platform has the widest use and has decent ratings, do some research on it and get going.


The largest number of users was on Tinder (I have no affiliation, I'm just a user of the service) so I signed up for this at a cost of around £6/month for the gold membership that lets you see who has "liked" you so it makes finding potential matches much easier.

NOTE the posts will be in reverse order so start from the oldest.

Parents

  • Good to hear your experience.

    I've pretty much given up on dating sites. I used to use Plenty of Fish, and did meet some nice guys on there (none of which worked out sadly) but they made their website much harder to use in recent years. There was also a gay-specific one called OnlyLads which seemed to have fewer and fewer people using it, before mysteriously disappearing and being relaunched as some phone app thing.

    I don't know what its like for straight guys/girls but one problem on gay sites is filtering out people who want hookups. Its not that I'm opposed to hookups, its just not what I'm usually looking for.

    I now just stick to some fetish-specific sites (which I won't name here). These aren't really 'dating' sites but they can be good way to meet people with similar 'interests'.

Reply

  • Good to hear your experience.

    I've pretty much given up on dating sites. I used to use Plenty of Fish, and did meet some nice guys on there (none of which worked out sadly) but they made their website much harder to use in recent years. There was also a gay-specific one called OnlyLads which seemed to have fewer and fewer people using it, before mysteriously disappearing and being relaunched as some phone app thing.

    I don't know what its like for straight guys/girls but one problem on gay sites is filtering out people who want hookups. Its not that I'm opposed to hookups, its just not what I'm usually looking for.

    I now just stick to some fetish-specific sites (which I won't name here). These aren't really 'dating' sites but they can be good way to meet people with similar 'interests'.

Children
  • in reply to mp500
    mp500 said:
    I don't know what its like for straight guys/girls but one problem on gay sites is filtering out people who want hookups. Its not that I'm opposed to hookups, its just not what I'm usually looking for.

    It is something I noticed on the bios of most of the women here that they state they are not looking for casual hookups or to join couples for a fun time. I hadn't realised that people looking for group hookups was such a common thing.

    For me I want a long term relationship and I don't endorse unfaithfulness which makes me seem "too good to be true" for some and they think I'm lying. I suspect that is a symptom of their experiences here, a trauma if you will, which on one hand makes me feel validated that I am following the right way for me but also makes me feel sad that his has been such a common experience for women.

    mp500 said:
    I now just stick to some fetish-specific sites (which I won't name here). These aren't really 'dating' sites but they can be good way to meet people with similar 'interests'.

    I've never really considered this sort of thing before. Perhaps is I find myself single again in future I may look at what this is all about for areas that interest me purely out of interest - thanks for pointing out that such things exist.

    Where I live in the old centre of Sao Paulo there is a huge gay scene and I know so many gay and trans people who live near me as they are very often well educated and speak English so it is nice to speak in my native tongue to them. They seem to have so much fun compared to the straight people I know here. They also look after themselves so much better - many are in the gym nearly as often as I am (which is largely how I know them) and many have really got themselves in great shape.